The Internet is a Funny Thing.....

No matter how hard you try to be anonymous, it never really seems to work out that way. For example, in an effort to gauge how many people are actually reading this monstrosity, I installed a little code to track my reader numbers a while back. I mean, if I'm the only person reading it, what's the point in writing it? To my surprise, I'm finding that many of you are just as appalled by my daily life as I am sometimes.

Then, this morning, while I was having coffee, I decided to spend some time figuring out how to use the other features that statcounter offers. Imagine my surprise when I found out that you can see the geographical locations of your readers and what you all are searching for.....turns out I have readers all over the place - and some are quite unexpected I might add.

So, to all of you that are out there lurking, "hello!!" and thanks for stopping by; enjoy your visit and come back often.

Walkin' Down Memory Lane......

Do you ever have those times when something happens and it triggers and old, seemingly random memory? The kid and I were discussing what I did, "when I was a kid" in which she was asking questions like, "have you ever been arrested?" and "did you ever skip school?" I can say that certainly the latter is in my history, but alas, I have never been arrested. Although, there was that one time......but anyway, then we got to talking about stuff like, when she's 15, will I let her go to football games with her friends and stuff. For one, she was freaking me out with all the random grown-up-ness, but on the other hand, it made me want to come home and dig through my old stuff to look at pictures from my high school days......I was so distracted in my thoughts, that I almost passed a stopped school bus!!! Agh!!! And THAT my friends, was what brought the real flashback.

When I was in high school, I had a boyfriend that lived in a different town. Our senior year, I only had classes in the morning so I would go to his house in the afternoon sometimes, before tennis practice. Anyway, I was late one day and was flying to get there on time, because I knew I was in deep doo-doo. I passed a stopped school bus and when the bus driver honked at me, I actually flipped him off. I remember looking in the rear view mirror the entire drive, worried that I was going to get arrested. Given the work that I do now, I cannot believe that I was ever so careless.

So, I basically spent the entire day, thinking about that day, and getting little else done. So much for productivity.

Pretentious People Suck

So, after having coffee with my friend Carrie this a.m., the kid, the boy, and I decided to go to The Good Table in Cape for a little celebratory breakfast. All was well until the table next to us was occupied by a much older couple, who were incredibly pretentious and managed to treat their high-school aged waitress like complete shit.

When she first approached them and asked if she could get them some breakfast, the man snapped at her, "Can we get a drink first?"

The poor girl tripped all over herself to apologize (this is probably her first waitressing job) and patiently took their drink order while the man told her what brand vodka to use in the Bloody Mary he ordered for his companion. "The lady will have a Bloody Mary with Zyr vodka - do you even have that here?" I wanted to look over at him and say, "Um, here's the deal buck-o. The kid probably turned 15 a week ago, and even though high school drinking is a big thing nowadays, I'm pretty sure she doesn't know the difference between Zyr and fucking Popov."

But, so as not to sully our good reputation with the owner there, I sat quietly while the rest of the conversation took place.

"What kind of champagne are you using in the Mimosas?" Again, I refer to my above line of thought.

We finished our breakfast while I basically drew blood from biting down on my lip so hard because when a different waitress brought over their drinks, the man jumped on her because he didn't have a napkin, and "goddamit, these glasses are too full!" Hey, at least your getting your money's worth, right?

Things only continued to get better as the kid left the table to go use the bathroom after complaining that her stomach was hurting from all the pancakes she had just eaten. She comes back a few minutes later and sits down, only to have the pretentious woman get up and tell her husband that she's going to go use the restroom. The kid, having mentioned earlier that she thought the people sitting next to us were being really rude, and in general just being my kid, looks at us, waits until the lady leaves, and then says, "Good luck to that lady, 'cause I just took a huge shiza in there and it stinks!" I swear to God, only my kid.

Reason #363 I Will Never Move Back to Michigan

Need I say more here? Let's not forget :: the town I grew up with had, at one time, a sign at the edge of town that said, and I kid you not, "Welcome to Zeeland :: Where the Chicks Lay Better"

My brother and his wife were kind enough to snap this pic for me when they were out and about. They also reported that, shortly after snapping the photo and hopping back in their mini-van (God Bless 'em for driving that urban assault vehicle) a young couple came out of the gas station. I can only guess that the two were off the farm and out on a date.

I Heart Anthropologie

Remember when you were a kid and it was time to go back to school and you would leaf through the catalogs, dog-earring the pages you wanted outfits from? In my house, it was always the $5 JCPenny catalog. I used to wait all summer for it to show up in my mailbox, just so I could pick out school clothes. Now, I wait just as anxiously for the Anthropologie catalog to show up.

And just since I'm turning the big 3-0 in just two days, I think I might treat myself. Nothing extravagant, although I would certainly love to buy this. Given the fact that we're adhering to a strict budget these days though, I think I might treat myself to this and these instead. Or maybe just this apron, because it's so damn cute.

Have a happy weekend; I know I will!

The First Day of School.

I realize that I am not always the best parent, and often times, I see myself in Melissa's posts - or in the same mindset as the poor stay-at-home dad over at Looky Daddy. But, I was not prepared for what happened today.....Miss Meg posted this sappy little diddy about how fast the kids grow and how we should savor each and every one of these precious little moments....then Jen talked about how she had to distract herself this morning so she didn't wallow too much!

So, before I could even get around to dancing in my underwear this morning, thanking any spiritual being that would listen, that yes, thank you very much, school had started, the kid was out of my hair, and I could enjoy the peace and quiet of my home that I had longed for anxiously over the last 8 weeks, I felt terrible. After reading Meg's post, my potential happy-me party was ruined and I spent the rest of the day feeling like shit about my parenting mindset.

Should I sit and long for my child to be home again, saying the words, "mumma can we....." every three seconds like a little mental terrorist? Or should I run around in my polka dotted boy-shorts with a drink in my hand before noon and celebrate the silence?

I'm baffled.

Men are from Mars

A week or so ago, Meg and I ran in to each other and we were chatting about how, often, it is really just easier to do things yourself. The conversation started out about the kids, but inevitably ended with us discussing our significant others. Meg had a really great view about it, and I've come back to her comments on more than one occasion in this last week. She said, in a nutshell, that you're either seething with frustration because what needs to be done is so blatantly obvious and the other half is just ignoring it, or, you're seething with frustration because you're finally fed up with them ignoring it and you're taking care of it. So, it's really just easier to do it yourself in the first place. In light of our conversation I'm debating a note in my someday-spouses lunch box. It will go something like this:

Dear Someday Spouse,

I've realized that "seething with frustration" is often what I am. And that "frustration" darling, is you. I know that, when it comes to confrontation, you immediately tune me out. And since I'm so incredibly sensitive to your needs, I'm not going to confront you; instead I've written you this nice little love note. And, just to make sure that you actually read the whole thing, there will be a quiz when you get home tonite; if you pass, we'll have sex.

I am "seething with frustration" for the following reasons:

#1. Is it really that hard to put your dirty plate in the dishwasher? Actually, if you could just get it to the sink even, we'd be making progress.

#2. When the dishwasher is full of dirty dishes and it just needs soap, why don't you put soap in it? Oh, that's right, you don't actually open the dishwasher to put anything in it, so how would you know that it needs to be run?

#3. Let's talk about laundry. See, I love this one. The kid does her own laundry and I do not complain about doing the rest. However, when you decide to take the initiative (which I applaud you for) to do some laundry, how about we put it in the dryer too? You know, instead of leaving it wet in the washer for three or four days so it gets moldy and needs to washed again?

#4. When you decide to dry the laundry, dry everything. It is a dead giveaway when I open the washer only to find semi-wet laundry, in disarray. In case you hadn't noticed, when you open the washer, everything is mashed against the sides from the spin cycle. When you pull out only the things you need to dry, it's obvious.

#5. And, finally, when you feel nagged to death, and you finally do clean, please do not expect a parade, or brownies, or even a little gold star sticker. I do not have any of these things for you. I do not get any of these things when I do my duties as your someday spouse.

I realize that Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus, but we live here, on Earth. And yes, I'm all about compromise, don't get me wrong. But I'm already compromising when I wipe dribbles off the bathroom seat that you don't lift and when I collect wet towels from our bedroom floor because you refuse to bring them back down to the bathroom.

So sweetie, can you just do me the favor of implementing the above in to your daily routine. I will be much happier and nicer to live with, which in turn, will make your life much easier too. And I know you're all about nice 'n easy darling..........

Love,
Your Someday Spouse