Kids and Condoms

Recently, the weather has been nice enough that the kid and her friend can actually walk home from school together. To walk home from her school, there are two routes: stay on the sidewalk or walk through the woods behind the baseball fields.

So, the only rule has been, "stay on the sidewalk."

Of course, the kid has questioned why.

So I explained that sometimes older kids hang out back there, drinking, smoking pot and having sex.

Naturally, the next question was, "how do you know they're having sex?" I answered by saying that I had seen used condoms back there at one point. The following is an actual transcript of our conversation - it is, of course, one of the funniest things that has happened in the last 6 weeks.

The Kid :: "What's a condom?"

I struggled a tiny bit with this. Not quite knowing how to answer, but also knowing that a) she knows enough about the birds and the bees to know what sex is, b) she's had family living class already, c) by the second day of Kindergarten, where babies come from - right down to the tadpoles, the eggs, and the rivers - thanks to a playground conversation with a boy named Drew (who also divulged that he set his bathroom trash can on fire), and d) if I acted like this was an awkward moment, she'd be less likely to talk about this stuff later on. So, I just went for it.

"A condom is used by the boy when he and a girl are having sex. It's kind of stretchy like the rubber gloves they have in doctor's offices and the boy puts it over his penis. It's meant to protect both the boy and girl from any sexually transmitted diseases and it also is a protection from pregnancy. You should NEVER, EVER have sex without a condom."

After initially wrinkling her nose in disgust at the word "sex," she got a sudden look of recognition on her face. "Oh! I've seen a condom before!! (Holy shit, internal freak out moment for mom) It's what Uncle Matthew wears when he plays baseball!!"

At nearly 10 years old, my daughter thinks that a condom is a cup. Awesome.
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Note: once again, I apologize for my absence. Life has definitely gotten in the way. However, I am headed to NYC next week to celebrate my girl's big 1-0. I'm sure there will be PLENTY of posting considering the fact that both my ex-husband AND my neurotic childhood friend will be in town. Neurotic as in, "I love her but she takes Germaphobia to a whole new level." Which I think should be fantastic in a city the size of NYC. This is why she's taking a car service from the airport instead of a shuttle or a taxi. Ha!