Murphy's Law

"When you think things can't get any worse, you're probably dead wrong."

And so was the story of yesterday. After the dogs were both sprayed by the skunk, we thought the day could not get any worse. We used some pet-store remedy twice on them and left them outside to dry off.

The boy left to run errands and the kid and I started painting her room.

But then I heard Zoe barking.....a bark I had never heard before......in my gut, I knew something was wrong.

So I run downstairs, paint roller still in my hand and poke my head out the kitchen window. And there lay the skunk, half-dead, with the two dogs standing over it, wagging their tails, wanting to play.

Needless to say, things went downhill from there pretty quickly. The stench of being sprayed by a skunk, not once, but twice, plus shoving their faces in it after they ripped open its belly, is almost too much to bear. Our entire neighborhood smells like skunk, my office smells like skunk, our skin smells like skunk, and our dogs are living outside on the deck until I can figure out how in the hell to get the smell off of them.

Dodger got it so bad that his normally white paws are yellow. Yellow for Christsakes!!

And so today I will try Rachel's method with the peroxide, baking soda, and dish soap. However, I did read online that if you don't treat it within twelve hours, your kind of effed and that the smell, at that point, will stay with them for two years. Yikes. I'm hoping the first, second, third, and fourth treatment of the Skunk-Off counts for something.

And here I thought I would get some work done today.

And We Dance Again

Two weeks ago, I talked about our friendly skunk and his love of the boy's shoes.

Well, he's arrived again.  In fact, he's living under our shed.  Which in the grand scheme of things is a nuisance,  but as long as he doesn't spray anything, I really don't care.

Keywords, "as long as."

This morning, when the boy let the dogs out, they immediately bee-lined for the back of the yard; at first, he thought there was just a dog on the other side of the fence.  But then he saw Dodger shaking something in his mouth.

Dear Sweet Gentle Jesus; it was the skunk. 

And so now, we've got two dogs that smell like a skunk.  And they're not happy to just be sprayed and then sit at the back door, begging to be let in.  No, they're instead laying in front of the shed, with their noses as far as possible underneath it.  Like, "please, just come back out to play. Please? We were having such fun."

Are dogs are such idiots that they're not even phased by the fact that they've been sprayed.  While my friend Rachel had this happen not so long ago, her dog apparently was upset at being sprayed; ours not so much.

And here I thought it was going to be a quiet day of painting the kid's room.

 

The County Fair

So, we recently visited the county fair. As was the case last year, there were far too many women wearing mom jeans, and a lot of obnoxious teenagers hitting the hippie lettuce and acting like idiots. It was truly an experience.

This year, the kid brought a friend with her, which was great because it meant that the boy and I didn't have to ride on anything. This particular friend of hers is quite funny. When you first meet her, she's a little bit quiet and sort of shy. When she and the kid get together though, you couldn't ask for a more chatty-Cathy combo. I'm sure they boy was absolutely thrilled as we drove up to the fair.

"blah, blah, blah.....Oh My Gosh! Nick Jonas is SO Cute!!!! If I ever say him in person I'd be like 'aagghh! I love you Nick!!! aaaggghhh!' (and yes, they were actually screeching). Blah, blah, blah....I can't wait to eat fried dough.....I can't wait to have cotton candy.....I can't wait.....blah, blah, blah....." It was a non-stop stream of pre-tween chatter. To be honest, I'm not sure how their teacher handles them each day; I think I'd gouge my eyeballs out.

Speaking of which, I was pretty sure that by the end of our fair adventure, the boy was ready to take his own out. As the night wound down, the kid wanted to go on that pirate ship thing that runs like a giant pendulum. Her friend was so not okay with that, so Dan went in her place. As they were standing in line, there was a girl who was probably 13, with only one mission standing right behind them; to see if she could scream the loudest. It was similar to this.

Now imagine how happy he was to stand in line in front of her for 5 minutes.

As they approached the pirate ship, it looked like the boy and the kid would be the last two to squeeze on, escaping the girl.

Ha! Now imagine how happy he was to be sitting right across from her during the entire ride. I was certain that, by the end of it, he would reach across and punch her in the face - really. I know I would have.

By the end of the night, he was so completely spent, he didn't even speak. Or maybe he was just in a bad mood. I don't know. What I do know is this: he will probably never go to the fair again.

I Think I Smell a Skunk

For the last several days, I've been sitting in my office and smelling the very distinct stench of skunk. And I've pretty much lived with it because I figured that if there was a skunk spraying his stuff all over the yard, I was not wanting to get involved.

So today, the boy comes home and I mention it to him. Thinking maybe he knows something about the skunk, or maybe, perhaps, he should be aware of the skunk so that he doesn't let the dogs out at night to get sprayed.....

M: Hey honey, I think we've got a skunk hanging out in the yard. Do you smell that?
B: Smell what?
M: The skunk smell.
B: I don't smell anything.
M: Well, come in my office and sniff. It smells like skunk in here.

So, in he walks, and he takes a great, big, giant sniff.

B: Oh, that?
M: Um, yeah.
B: That's just my shoes. They're right over there (as he points in the general direction of the corner of MY office.)
M: Were they sprayed by a skunk?
B: Yeah, I think so. I put them in here to air out.

*****Silence......******

M: So let me get this straight. Your shoes were sprayed by a skunk, and you decided that it was a good idea to not only bring them in the house, but to leave them in my office, where I work every single day, so that I might enjoy the breathtaking scent of skunk?
B: Well, I didn't put that much thought in to it. I just brought them in so they didn't get sprayed again.
M: Why didn't you leave them downstairs in the "man cave?"
B: Well, I didn't want the room I hang out in to smell like skunk.

Really. What the eff is that about?

Allergic to 31

I realize that I've been an ass and have completely ignored and neglected this little blog as of late. But I have an excuse.

I turned 31.

And I seemingly had some adverse reaction to it which left me cranky and wanting to do nothing but mope around the house in sweatpants and wife beaters. It was pretty ugly.

Then this weekend, the boy and I had a date night with our friends who recently moved back to the area. It was nice. We headed to Frog and Turtle, where they were also celebrating a birthday. Apparently, all I really needed to get out of my funk was a glass of wine, two vodka tonics, an order of Poutine, and some roasted vegetable and goat cheese crepes. Awesome.

Now instead of trekking just 3.5 miles every morning, I've upped the ante to 5 because the fresh cheese curds from that Poutine seem to have made an immediate beeline for my ass.

But, it was damn good going down.

Taking a Vacation

Recently I was looking back through my work logs from the last 8 months.  I'm not sure what prompted it, but I guess maybe I needed to feel like I actually have gotten something accomplished over the course of this year.  What I felt when I was done though was sheer exhaustion.

I realized that, over these last 8 months, I have only had 32 days that I have not been working.  And none of them were in a row.  So, for my birthday, I'm giving myself a vacation.  No computer, no blog, no BlackBerry, on social networking - for 4 whole days. I know, I can hardly believe it myself.  

But, I'm shutting it all down, and just so I'm not tempted, I'm putting my SIM card in an old school cell we have kicking around, and locking the BlackBerry in the glove compartment of Dan's truck.  Just in case I have a moment of weakness.

Of course, to get prepared for a vacation, I must get ahead in work. And so, I've developed a plan to do just that.  If I've calculated correctly, I will be ready to take 4 days off in roughly 2 weeks. And then, the fun starts.  Here's what I have planned:

• Getting the car inspected.
• Painting the living room and bathroom.
• Possibly painting the upstairs and my office.
• Going through 2 years of Real Simple and Cooking Light to pull out what I want and recycle the rest.

Dan says this doesn't sound like much of a vacation to him, but this is all the crap I never get to do! I'm so excited, I can hardly stand it.  Alright, I must go work....I've got a vacation coming up!!

An Ego Boost For Sure

So earlier today I was over at Saving with Style to post about Clothes Off Our Back - an auction site where you can grab celebrity gear and know that you money is going to fight childhood hunger. Now, before you groan and click away.......Imagine my surprise when I saw this.


Crack me right the f*ck up. I'm thinking about blowing this up to poster size and hanging it in the house somewhere. Do you think I can just point to the sign every time the boy or the kid argues with me?