Being pregnant is a lot like having constant PMS.
If you're a man, you only know that this means I'm being bitchy.
If you're a woman, you know that this means I'm tired, bitchy, feeling ginormous, having headaches, not sleeping well, have swelling feet and back pain.
So, here's the scoop. I'm totally not complaining - I'm only stating the absolute truth. My family is currently walking on eggshells, not sure if I'm going to be Happy Harriette or Psycho Sally at any given moment. But the other night tops all others to date.
Our neighbors are away doing who knows what and their just-barely-21-year-old children decided to throw a party the other night. Now, our bedroom window faces their house, so all of their wonderful yelling, bottle throwing and illegal firework playing assaulted us like Lionel Richie - all night long.
Just as I dozed off, I woke up to go to the bathroom (of course - what's a full night's sleep?) As I stumble downstairs, willing myself to not completely wake up thinking my chances of falling right back to sleep are greater if I can at least keep my eyes half closed, I go tinkle and flush. No sooner had I walked out of the bathroom and laid one foot on the hallway floor when I heard the tell-tale sign of a toilet that was not going to flush. No, it was definitely filling, quickly.
And before I could reach the plunger, it over-flowed.
Does life get any worse than being pregnant, half-asleep and plunging a toilet while cursing whoever took the offending shit that clogged it? It only gets worse when you realize that you still need to clean up the bathroom floor and you're now definitely fully awake.
Not surprisingly, no one in the house will admit to being the offending shitter and I've been Psycho Sally for two days.
Thursday, August 06, 2009
Sunday, July 26, 2009
Holy Shit. It's Stacie.
Summer vacation is half-way over and our 1st trimester is at a close.
Hallelujah.
Overall, I'm not as crazy as I thought I would be with the kid home all the time, and my moodiness has nearly disappeared. What I am totally disgusted with is the weather - why has it rained all summer?
Last week my sister came for a visit, which was fun, and the weather was good so we weren't cooped up inside. Although, between a 14-year-old girl and a 10-year-old girl, I think we definitely came to the conclusion that military school might be in order for our oldest - at least if she gets that moody and mouthy.
And it wasn't even moody and mouthy to my face (or the kid's), it was behind closed doors and via email, which was a little disheartening. If you think your niece is being a spoiled snotty bitch, tell her to her face - don't waste your time emailing all your friends about how you can't wait until she gets her ass kicked in middle school so that you can laugh in her face and then forget to sign out of your email so I end up reading it.
Yikes.
Of course, I didn't want to confront her because I felt a little bit like I had invaded her privacy. And, I know for sure that my kid can be a spoiled snotty bitch, absolutely. In fact, I've told her as much on occasion. But to email it and then act sweet to her face? Not okay.
And, before you think I'm throwing stones in glass houses, bear in mind that if I'm bitchy to someone in my blog, I'm bitchy to their face; that includes the neighbors across the street.
So, we'll see what the rest of the summer brings. I'm feeling like the "other kid" is a girl, but the heartbeat is at 126 which is old-wives-tale boy-range. The boy is hoping for a boy - and after last week with my sister, it's become an absolute necessity for him. In fact, the other day he asked, "if it's a girl and I swear out loud at the ultrasound, do you think the doctor will be mad at me?"
I've assured him that it probably happens more often than he knows.
Hallelujah.
Overall, I'm not as crazy as I thought I would be with the kid home all the time, and my moodiness has nearly disappeared. What I am totally disgusted with is the weather - why has it rained all summer?
Last week my sister came for a visit, which was fun, and the weather was good so we weren't cooped up inside. Although, between a 14-year-old girl and a 10-year-old girl, I think we definitely came to the conclusion that military school might be in order for our oldest - at least if she gets that moody and mouthy.
And it wasn't even moody and mouthy to my face (or the kid's), it was behind closed doors and via email, which was a little disheartening. If you think your niece is being a spoiled snotty bitch, tell her to her face - don't waste your time emailing all your friends about how you can't wait until she gets her ass kicked in middle school so that you can laugh in her face and then forget to sign out of your email so I end up reading it.
Yikes.
Of course, I didn't want to confront her because I felt a little bit like I had invaded her privacy. And, I know for sure that my kid can be a spoiled snotty bitch, absolutely. In fact, I've told her as much on occasion. But to email it and then act sweet to her face? Not okay.
And, before you think I'm throwing stones in glass houses, bear in mind that if I'm bitchy to someone in my blog, I'm bitchy to their face; that includes the neighbors across the street.
So, we'll see what the rest of the summer brings. I'm feeling like the "other kid" is a girl, but the heartbeat is at 126 which is old-wives-tale boy-range. The boy is hoping for a boy - and after last week with my sister, it's become an absolute necessity for him. In fact, the other day he asked, "if it's a girl and I swear out loud at the ultrasound, do you think the doctor will be mad at me?"
I've assured him that it probably happens more often than he knows.
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
And So Summer Vacation Shall Commence
So today begins my unravelling. Really.
At noon today, summer vacation will begin.
Summer vacation is always a challenge at our house. The kid is just old enough that she feels she should be able to run free and rampant all over town, yet not quite old enough to make that happen. Which means that I either have to a) drive her everywhere, or b) tell her she can't go and listen to her whine and complain until I want to rip my eyes out (or maybe hers).
And did I mention that I'm finally pregnant? That's right, months and months of endlessly pissing on ovulation sticks has finally paid off. 6 pregnancy tests later (I had to make sure none were defective) and we are expecting. My future MIL can now rest soundly knowing that "certainly, it's not Dan's fault that you can't carry a baby. There's nothing in his family history that would cause a problem." And I can rest soundly knowing that a little bit of Prometrium goes a hell of a long way in keeping things in place - bless the drug companies, bless them.
However, early pregnancy means that I'm generally in a terrible mood, tired and bitchy all the time - which should make this summer even more enjoyable. Currently, it's a rare occasion when I'm awake past 7:30 - I'm a real winner.
Not that I'm AT ALL irritated that I'm pregnant mind you - that's what we've been aiming for. But I'm notoriously neurotic, and pregnancy is only compounding the issue. Of course, we're early in the pregnancy and so I'm neurotic about every ache and pain that I might have, but after seeing the heart beat earlier this week, I'm pretty confident that this kid is sticking around. And so we'll have "The Kid" and, "The Other Kid." Along with two dogs and a cat in our hobbit house.
If I'm not certifiably crazy now, I sure as hell will be by next summer.
At noon today, summer vacation will begin.
Summer vacation is always a challenge at our house. The kid is just old enough that she feels she should be able to run free and rampant all over town, yet not quite old enough to make that happen. Which means that I either have to a) drive her everywhere, or b) tell her she can't go and listen to her whine and complain until I want to rip my eyes out (or maybe hers).
And did I mention that I'm finally pregnant? That's right, months and months of endlessly pissing on ovulation sticks has finally paid off. 6 pregnancy tests later (I had to make sure none were defective) and we are expecting. My future MIL can now rest soundly knowing that "certainly, it's not Dan's fault that you can't carry a baby. There's nothing in his family history that would cause a problem." And I can rest soundly knowing that a little bit of Prometrium goes a hell of a long way in keeping things in place - bless the drug companies, bless them.
However, early pregnancy means that I'm generally in a terrible mood, tired and bitchy all the time - which should make this summer even more enjoyable. Currently, it's a rare occasion when I'm awake past 7:30 - I'm a real winner.
Not that I'm AT ALL irritated that I'm pregnant mind you - that's what we've been aiming for. But I'm notoriously neurotic, and pregnancy is only compounding the issue. Of course, we're early in the pregnancy and so I'm neurotic about every ache and pain that I might have, but after seeing the heart beat earlier this week, I'm pretty confident that this kid is sticking around. And so we'll have "The Kid" and, "The Other Kid." Along with two dogs and a cat in our hobbit house.
If I'm not certifiably crazy now, I sure as hell will be by next summer.
Friday, June 05, 2009
Oh My Blog.....How I've Ignored You.....
I actually had someone tell me today that they thought I'd closed the doors on my blog - can you imagine?
As if.
What I have done though is be completely ignoring it.
There's a good reason - I promise. It's mostly because I've been totally uninspired to write anything snarky and I don't find myself funny AT ALL unless I'm making fun of someone - like my kid, or the boy, or random strangers.
However, all that changed with just one trip to Hannaford last night. The kid and I are breezing through the store, grabbing just four things: milk, peanut butter, wraps, and toothpaste. We get to the Express Lane, which by the way, I don't know why I bother, it's not like the damn Express Lane is ever fast. If anything, it's slower than any other lane in the whole effing store.
Anywho, the guy in front of me has 14 assorted bottles of liquor on the conveyer belt - let me make that even more clear - 14 assorted FIFTHS. So, needless to say, lots of liquor. The cash register guy gives him his total which is well over $100 and when the guy whips open his wallet, I peek.
That's because I'm nosy.
And what do I spy in the very front of his wallet, in that little clear place where his license should have been?
His Food Stamp Card.
How does he pay for his liquor? 2 crisp benjamins my friend.
This enrages me more than you could ever know. First of all, I want to know why people are allowed to do that. Like, "oh, I don't have enough money to buy food to feed my family, BUT I can pay cash money for my liquor." Why is that allowed????
Second, it makes me angry because there are people out there that could legitimately use a program like that to help feed their children that do not use it, simply because of the stigma caused by assholes like this. I mean, they'd rather let their kids go hungry than whip out a Food Stamp card because of the stigma.
It's a sad world we live in kids, a sad, sad world.
As if.
What I have done though is be completely ignoring it.
There's a good reason - I promise. It's mostly because I've been totally uninspired to write anything snarky and I don't find myself funny AT ALL unless I'm making fun of someone - like my kid, or the boy, or random strangers.
However, all that changed with just one trip to Hannaford last night. The kid and I are breezing through the store, grabbing just four things: milk, peanut butter, wraps, and toothpaste. We get to the Express Lane, which by the way, I don't know why I bother, it's not like the damn Express Lane is ever fast. If anything, it's slower than any other lane in the whole effing store.
Anywho, the guy in front of me has 14 assorted bottles of liquor on the conveyer belt - let me make that even more clear - 14 assorted FIFTHS. So, needless to say, lots of liquor. The cash register guy gives him his total which is well over $100 and when the guy whips open his wallet, I peek.
That's because I'm nosy.
And what do I spy in the very front of his wallet, in that little clear place where his license should have been?
His Food Stamp Card.
How does he pay for his liquor? 2 crisp benjamins my friend.
This enrages me more than you could ever know. First of all, I want to know why people are allowed to do that. Like, "oh, I don't have enough money to buy food to feed my family, BUT I can pay cash money for my liquor." Why is that allowed????
Second, it makes me angry because there are people out there that could legitimately use a program like that to help feed their children that do not use it, simply because of the stigma caused by assholes like this. I mean, they'd rather let their kids go hungry than whip out a Food Stamp card because of the stigma.
It's a sad world we live in kids, a sad, sad world.
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Our first ACTUAL touristy adventure.
Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile
Monday, May 18, 2009
And So The Trip Begins...
Yesterday, the kid turned the big 1-0. A major event. And it hasn't just been a birthDAY, but a birthWEEKEND.. There has been breakfast out, nail services, blue streaking of the hair, and now the trip to NYC.
The flight down was good - actually great - but the shuttle rides sucks. I've nearly shit my pants several different times already. My stomach is growling and I have to take a piss. And we're still 20 blocks from the hotel.
On.a positive note, we've already had 1 celebrity sighting.
Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile
Saturday, May 16, 2009
Kids and Condoms
Recently, the weather has been nice enough that the kid and her friend can actually walk home from school together. To walk home from her school, there are two routes: stay on the sidewalk or walk through the woods behind the baseball fields.
So, the only rule has been, "stay on the sidewalk."
Of course, the kid has questioned why.
So I explained that sometimes older kids hang out back there, drinking, smoking pot and having sex.
Naturally, the next question was, "how do you know they're having sex?" I answered by saying that I had seen used condoms back there at one point. The following is an actual transcript of our conversation - it is, of course, one of the funniest things that has happened in the last 6 weeks.
The Kid :: "What's a condom?"
I struggled a tiny bit with this. Not quite knowing how to answer, but also knowing that a) she knows enough about the birds and the bees to know what sex is, b) she's had family living class already, c) by the second day of Kindergarten, where babies come from - right down to the tadpoles, the eggs, and the rivers - thanks to a playground conversation with a boy named Drew (who also divulged that he set his bathroom trash can on fire), and d) if I acted like this was an awkward moment, she'd be less likely to talk about this stuff later on. So, I just went for it.
"A condom is used by the boy when he and a girl are having sex. It's kind of stretchy like the rubber gloves they have in doctor's offices and the boy puts it over his penis. It's meant to protect both the boy and girl from any sexually transmitted diseases and it also is a protection from pregnancy. You should NEVER, EVER have sex without a condom."
After initially wrinkling her nose in disgust at the word "sex," she got a sudden look of recognition on her face. "Oh! I've seen a condom before!! (Holy shit, internal freak out moment for mom) It's what Uncle Matthew wears when he plays baseball!!"
At nearly 10 years old, my daughter thinks that a condom is a cup. Awesome.
*********
Note: once again, I apologize for my absence. Life has definitely gotten in the way. However, I am headed to NYC next week to celebrate my girl's big 1-0. I'm sure there will be PLENTY of posting considering the fact that both my ex-husband AND my neurotic childhood friend will be in town. Neurotic as in, "I love her but she takes Germaphobia to a whole new level." Which I think should be fantastic in a city the size of NYC. This is why she's taking a car service from the airport instead of a shuttle or a taxi. Ha!
So, the only rule has been, "stay on the sidewalk."
Of course, the kid has questioned why.
So I explained that sometimes older kids hang out back there, drinking, smoking pot and having sex.
Naturally, the next question was, "how do you know they're having sex?" I answered by saying that I had seen used condoms back there at one point. The following is an actual transcript of our conversation - it is, of course, one of the funniest things that has happened in the last 6 weeks.
The Kid :: "What's a condom?"
I struggled a tiny bit with this. Not quite knowing how to answer, but also knowing that a) she knows enough about the birds and the bees to know what sex is, b) she's had family living class already, c) by the second day of Kindergarten, where babies come from - right down to the tadpoles, the eggs, and the rivers - thanks to a playground conversation with a boy named Drew (who also divulged that he set his bathroom trash can on fire), and d) if I acted like this was an awkward moment, she'd be less likely to talk about this stuff later on. So, I just went for it.
"A condom is used by the boy when he and a girl are having sex. It's kind of stretchy like the rubber gloves they have in doctor's offices and the boy puts it over his penis. It's meant to protect both the boy and girl from any sexually transmitted diseases and it also is a protection from pregnancy. You should NEVER, EVER have sex without a condom."
After initially wrinkling her nose in disgust at the word "sex," she got a sudden look of recognition on her face. "Oh! I've seen a condom before!! (Holy shit, internal freak out moment for mom) It's what Uncle Matthew wears when he plays baseball!!"
At nearly 10 years old, my daughter thinks that a condom is a cup. Awesome.
*********
Note: once again, I apologize for my absence. Life has definitely gotten in the way. However, I am headed to NYC next week to celebrate my girl's big 1-0. I'm sure there will be PLENTY of posting considering the fact that both my ex-husband AND my neurotic childhood friend will be in town. Neurotic as in, "I love her but she takes Germaphobia to a whole new level." Which I think should be fantastic in a city the size of NYC. This is why she's taking a car service from the airport instead of a shuttle or a taxi. Ha!
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