When did I become uncool?

So yesterday, at the last minute, I decided to book at massage at Lucinda's.....in my own mind, I was thinking, what a great way to de-stress....between work, school and Sydnie stuff, I'm mentally tapped out. It didn't take me long to justify the $70 - to me, it was money well spent.

When the massage therapist approaches me, I immediately begin to self deprecate. My hair looks bad, my thighs are fat, on and on.......so I follow Miss 20 something with the rock star hair upstairs and get settled. As she begins the massage, my worries start to melt away and I think, ok, I can deal. Well, then she gets to my legs, and as she tucks that little blanket under one, I think "OMG, I'm wearing the sensible skivvies today!!" Although I'm horrified that this 20 year old chicklet is going to see my pink Hanes Her Way, I realize there is nothing I can do - I want to explain......to justify why, at not even 30 years old, I am sporting cotton briefs. But what do you say? It's not like in the midst of the chimes and waterfalls you can just sit upright to mention it.

I am now completely worked up. I am convinced that she is snickering, knowing that my face is bright red, but also knowing I'm not going to open my eyes to peek and see if she really is snickering, I lay there. Then I worry; when did I last shave my legs? are my legs looking all cottage-cheesy when she's pushing on them? when did I become uncool???

Then it gets worse. As she's pushing and pulling on my back muscles, my belly starts to rumble. "What is that?" I wonder......"oh dear Jesus, I ate bean soup and a burrito for lunch." The voices in my head begin to taunt me and I'm starting to feel a bit mental. "You're wearing cotton briefs.....and you've got gas.......YOU are so lame......." I can't help but wonder, yet again, what has happened to me. I swear this wouldn't have happened when I was 25.

Around the time that I manage to shuush the voices and pull myself together, the massage is over - just like that. My rock star massage therapist tells me to get up and get dressed and to meet her outside the door. As I open the door, I see her hide a smirk....."now what?" I think......so I glance in the mirror and see the imprint from the headrest on my forehead. Great.

So, I was supposed to be doing homework this weekend - which I failed to do. I knitted - a lot. I've noticed that I'm getting a lot better at being lazy, which is a nice change of pace for me, but a bit of a guilty pleasure.

Oh! Big news! We've gone under contract with a house....thank heavens! I was beginning to think that it would never happen. Now, not only will Dan have his "man room" I will have my own seperate office slash knitting room - one that does not involve my dining room table. I think I'm actually going to blow the dust off of my sewing machine and finally figure out how to use it too.....that's only taken me 4 years to decide to do.......

Well, now that it's 8:30, I should probably do the homework that's been piled on my "desk" all weekend......whoever says going back to school is a good idea is lying.

Breakups and Blonde Moments

So, at 4:15 this morning, my alarm went off......and I dragged my lazy butt out of bed to take my friend, who shall remain nameless, to the airport.....she is on a breakup vacation.....you know, the one you have to take when you get dumped, just to get the hell out of dodge? Well, anyway, we get almost all the way to the airport - which isn't really that far away - and she realizes that she has forgotten her cell phone. So, we turn around, and drive back to get it.....but on the way we start talking about blonde moments......I gave her my best two:

1. In college I had one roommate that was blonde, who, upon being asked to call 911, replied "What's the number?"

2. My other college roommate, also blonde, was getting ready for a party. She suddenly called us in to the bathroom to tell us that we needed to return the t-shirt she was wearing because it was defective. We looked at it and told her that we didn't see anything wrong with it. Turning back to the mirror, she said "But look, all the writing is backwards."

Honestly, I am not kidding. I am happy to report that I did have a third roommate, one who is both very smart and successful......thank God.

So, back to our drive to the airport. When my friend tells me her best blonde moment it goes something like this: She needed AAA to help jump the car because the battery was dead - "I mean, really dead. Like, the remote key didn't work it was so dead." AAA gets there and she tells the guy that she'll have to climb thru the back because no other doors are unlocked. He apparently looked at her and said "Can't you just use the key?" Well DUH.

Pump up the Jam!

Back in the day, it was the jam.....and today, on the way to court, I heard it. And don't think I didn't crank it up and sing it (albeit off-key) word for word.....get your booty on the bus now, make my day!

Who predicted the snow?

As I sit here this morning, admiring how gorgeous it is outside with our new fallen snow (let's see how corny I can really get here.....) I am wondering why I have not pursued a career as a meteorologist. I'm pretty sure that I watched the news yesterday and I'm pretty sure that 5" of snow were NOT mentioned. So, I ask you, is being a meteorologist the best job in the world? Theoretically, you can be wrong every single day and all you need to do is shrug and say "It was the jet stream.....it came out of nowhere." I think I'll change my major.

Well, new year, new blog. This year, I will try to be consistent (like not wait more than an ENTIRE year to post anything) on Sydnie's blog and will be consistent in my posts to shawls4survivors - a new effort by Kathy and I to get comfort shawls to the graduates of SARSSM's support groups. For those of you who don't know what SARSSM is, it is a support service for victims of sexual abuse and you can find them here. In fact, if you're in the area, you should pick up the latest copy of the Portland Phoenix - a survivor has written her story - it's a very good article. If you're NOT in the area, check it out anyway.

If you knit and purl, we want you. Check out the blog and get involved.

Alright, I gotta get stuff done......it's a Saturday, cold as hell, and I've got enough crap sitting here to keep me busy for a week; Ciao.