Do you ever spell a word, look at it, convince yourself that it's wrong, try 5 other ways to spell it before finally breaking down and using spell-check, only to find out that it was right in the first place? So goes my Monday with the word 'circus'........
Funny how one word can sum up an entire holiday weekend......the kid, dog and I traveled up North to visit the 'rents in po-dunk on Wednesday. Clearly, I did not put much thought in to the trip before I loaded both of them up in the grocery-getter. Bear in mind that my parents already live with their two children, two dogs and three cats in a very small 3-bedroom house. Granted, there are 7 acres of land upon which these animals can frolic.....however, a recent visit from animal control has deemed such frolicking completely unacceptable; apparently one of the dogs killed some of the neighbors chickens.....in po-dunk, that's a BIG no-no.
The actual 4th was.....mmmm.....interesting. We watched a po-dunk parade, which is actually held in a gravel pit and there were women that decided painted on mud was the perfect attire. Too bad the local well-drilling crew thought they just needed a bath. While I am trying to shield my daughters eyes so as not to have a repeat of our European vacation where she loudly proclaimed "Look at the boobs on that lady!!" when she saw a porn mag at the gas station, my teenage brother is ogling these women who, if they're lucky, actually have a half set of teeth.
The chaos continued on Thursday when my dog glanced at my parents husky in the wrong tone of voice - a dog fight ensued and ended with my step-mum beating her dog with a broom. Later that night, I awoke with a cat kneading it's claws into my back and purring in my ear. Not one to be upstaged for attention, my dog promptly nudged the cat in the ass, which put the cat on high alarm and purring soon turned to hissing. Now, I have been in the midst of a cat-freakout before and it ended with me getting my face scratched off and a shredded shirt; not a scenario I care to repeat. While flailing wildly and swearing at my idiot dog, I was trying to hide my face under the pillow - ever tried that? It's a good time. I managed to get the dog far enough away that the cat could scoot under the bed, but spent the rest of the night listening to a growling cat and a thumping dog tail. One might question, "Why, oh why, would you not just put the dog out and shut the door?" Ah. Nice thought. Too bad in po-dunk, bedroom doors seem to be optional.....which would be entirely grossing me out, but since my parents sleep in separate bedrooms, it's marginally acceptable.
Friday brings a 'tween' birthday party for my sister who turned 12. Since the husky is misbehaving, she is on lock-down in a bedroom with a door. Dog number two, a psychotic rat terrier mixed with god-knows-what is in it's kennel because it is socially inept. My dog, who is admittedly number than a pounded thumb taunts them both because, although stupid, she is calm and allowed to socialize with the humans. We get the food and the screaming 'tweens' outside for 5 minutes, and it begins to pour - of course. So, conjure this image for a moment.....go ahead and sit back, close your eyes and picture a tiny 3-bedroom house - let's say for the purpose of this exercise we pretend it's roughly 1200 square feet of living space - with 3 adults, 3 dogs, 3 cats and about a dozen children, all crammed inside because it's now a thunderstorm. Picture me trying not to loose my patience.....then picture my dad, who is much larger than me with the same personality but a much shorter fuse....not pretty. Did I mention that Ozzy Osbourne was blaring from the upstairs because my teenage brother needed a "therapy session"? By the end of the night, neither my father's Rolling Rock nor my step-mum's wine coolers (I'm almost embarrassed to admit that) could numb my throbbing cranium. But in po-dunk, the only other option is Bud or Coffee Brandy.....there is not a drop of Stoli to be found in such a place.
The kid, dog and I returned from our weekend a bit sooner than planned - for obvious reasons. In my haste, I managed to leave behind my favorite AE jeans, which I am missing today since it is chilly and showering off and on. I will say though, the long weekend gave me a whole new appreciation for the kid, the barking boxers that live behind us and the crazy neighbors that live right across the street. "Oh, you want to use your leaf blower at 7am on a Sunday? Go ahead!! Please!! As long as you're not blaring Ozzy from your truck stereo, it's fine."
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