And So Summer Vacation Shall Commence

So today begins my unravelling. Really.

At noon today, summer vacation will begin.

Summer vacation is always a challenge at our house. The kid is just old enough that she feels she should be able to run free and rampant all over town, yet not quite old enough to make that happen. Which means that I either have to a) drive her everywhere, or b) tell her she can't go and listen to her whine and complain until I want to rip my eyes out (or maybe hers).

And did I mention that I'm finally pregnant? That's right, months and months of endlessly pissing on ovulation sticks has finally paid off. 6 pregnancy tests later (I had to make sure none were defective) and we are expecting. My future MIL can now rest soundly knowing that "certainly, it's not Dan's fault that you can't carry a baby. There's nothing in his family history that would cause a problem." And I can rest soundly knowing that a little bit of Prometrium goes a hell of a long way in keeping things in place - bless the drug companies, bless them.

However, early pregnancy means that I'm generally in a terrible mood, tired and bitchy all the time - which should make this summer even more enjoyable. Currently, it's a rare occasion when I'm awake past 7:30 - I'm a real winner.

Not that I'm AT ALL irritated that I'm pregnant mind you - that's what we've been aiming for. But I'm notoriously neurotic, and pregnancy is only compounding the issue. Of course, we're early in the pregnancy and so I'm neurotic about every ache and pain that I might have, but after seeing the heart beat earlier this week, I'm pretty confident that this kid is sticking around. And so we'll have "The Kid" and, "The Other Kid." Along with two dogs and a cat in our hobbit house.

If I'm not certifiably crazy now, I sure as hell will be by next summer.

Happy New Year - A Little Bit Late.....

The beginning of my New Year has been hectic and crazy. Even though I've gotten a ton done, I feel like I've gotten nothing done; it's frustrating.

So how about you? Anything exciting? Did you get what you wanted for Christmas? Did you paint the town red on New Year's Eve?

I spent much of the week between Christmas and New Year's playing my new Wii Fit. I'm a big fan of the hula-hooping. And I'm pretty effing awesome at it too. Though I'm sure that I look absolutely ridiculous swinging my hips around.

New Year's Eve we were invited to a party - two hours before it started - and had to decline. Sometimes I wonder why babysitter issues never occur to people who have no children. So, it was a 6-hour Disney marathon and an amped up kid poking me to open my eyes as the ball dropped at midnight. Truly, it's pretty pathetic.

On the bright side, the boy finally (after much nagging from the kid) decided to teach her how to ice skate. I was thoroughly impressed. He took her out, got her fitted for skates, and took her to the pond, all in the same day. The next day, they took me with them, and the sight of them whizzing around the pond and laughing together was enough to make my breath catch in my throat.

I've been waiting a really long time to see them find some common ground. Then, when she took a spill, he was by her side brushing her off before I could even comprehend what had happened.

I know that I spend a lot of time picking on him when I write this blog, but I've got to be honest: I couldn't have ended up with a better man in my life.

I'm going to sign off before I start getting all weepy and shit.

My Whiney Ass Can't Stop Complaining.

I got this really hair-brained idea lately that I should start keeping a gratitude journal. Nothing fancy, just a few notes every morning about the things in my life that I'm grateful for. The purpose of the exercise was to try and pep me up. Make me a happy gal. Get me out of my funk.

Now, maybe I'm a little sick and twisted, but the shit I'm thankful for is really pretty lame. And when I'm writing down the teeny little stuff that I'm thankful for (that the boy shoveled the driveway before he left for work), I'm thinking about all the really big shit that I'm pissed about (that he waited until the last possible second to try to buy the shoes I asked him for as a Christmas gift and now he can't find them so I'll be the only person at home without anything to open). I realize in the grand scheme of things that this last sentence makes me a) incredibly shallow and b) sound really dumb for complaining about shoes when there's all sorts of people starving in the world.

But here's the deal. I'm not so much pissed about the fact that I won't have a gift under the tree to open, I'm more pissed about the fact that he waits until the last possible minute to do anything. Therefore, most of everything falls in my lap. I'm finding it difficult to turn that into something I'm grateful for in my little gratitude journal.

Other things I'm not grateful for :: all this effing snow, the fact that infertility testing involves the boy sperminating (Sarah's word) in a plastic cup which he's mad at me about, that tomorrow will probably be a snow day which means I'll spend the whole day explaining that "no I can't entertain you right now because I have work to do," to a child that just doesn't get that the world does not revolve around her 24/7. I'm not grateful that it's so effing cold, nor am I grateful for the fact that our firewood supplier screwed us out of 2 cords and $400; I hope he has a shitty holiday. Oh, and I'm also really not grateful that I totally lack willpower and I inhaled almost an entire 9x9 pan of brownies today - for breakfast.

So, what am I grateful for? I'm grateful for my job - I love the fact that I get paid to sit home and write every single day. I'm grateful that I had most of my holiday shopping done way ahead of time and that I have a snowblower and I'm not afraid to use it. I'm grateful that my daughter gave up her crusade to keep us from running the dishwasher because I couldn't take one more sinkful of dirty dishes. And mostly, I'm grateful for the fact that even though it's really effing cold out, it's pretty darn purty looking.

Ok, so I'm not a total grinch. And now I'm going to sign off, go put my feet up by the fire, knit some more, drink a big fat glass of Pinot, and finish watching The Wizard of Oz with the kid.

Happy Holidays!

Date Night

The boy and I ventured out on a date night this weekend - I know, amazing, isn't it? What was even more amazing was that, it was the first date night in a while where we didn't spend $150 between dinner and a babysitter because the kid had a sleepover party to go to. Yee Haw!!

So we went back to a local favorite of ours, The Frog and Turtle, so I could very unsexily gorge myself on poutine again. This time, I didn't even have the advantage of company to distract the boy, so he got to cringe every time I shoved a forkful in my mouth.

I jest, sort of. He wasn't cringing, but I'm sure watching me not so delicately scarf down gravy and cheese laden fries was definitely not sexy at all.

Anyway, our experience there this time was not quite what it was the others. The last time we were there, the restaurant was celebrating their 1 year anniversary - it seems they went hoity-toity the very next day.

When we arrived, we were asked if we had reservations. What?!? I don't think I've ever MADE reservations, anywhere. We were put in to a tiny little table for two that barely had enough room for our drinks, much less our dinner, our waiter looked like Werewolfe from X-Men, and he was so incredibly condescending that I wanted to slap him.

I ordered the Banana Squash soup (after he told me what a rare thing a banana squash is) along with a fruit and cheese plate. My cheese plate had 3 little pieces of cheese on it, really. All in total, their weight probably did not add up to 1 oz. And my fruit plate was actually a tiny little plate with "accouterments" on it.

After it was delivered, he stopped by to ask if anyone had even bothered to explain the cheese and accouterments to me. Really? Do you think I need someone to explain to me the history of this apple and raisin compote? Probably not.

By then, I was so annoyed that I started looking at everyone else in the place. And it was busy. The blond girl who was really quite cute, but who was so busy shoveling bread in her mouth that she couldn't talk to her date. And when she did, she'd shove the bread to one side so it looked like she had a face tumor or something. The other couple sitting next to them - at a table for six I might add, where the girl was very chic and the boy was wearing a baseball cap at the table. She spent their entire meal telling him which fork to use, how to sit, and when to eat - it was horrifying.

All in all, the date was good because we had a night out to ourselves. On the downside, I think that we're over the Frog and Turtle. Not because the food was bad, but because our waiter was way too obnoxious for me to ever want to return. Oh yeah, and he wore a pinkie ring, so I can throw in "bad taste" as well.

The County Fair

So, we recently visited the county fair. As was the case last year, there were far too many women wearing mom jeans, and a lot of obnoxious teenagers hitting the hippie lettuce and acting like idiots. It was truly an experience.

This year, the kid brought a friend with her, which was great because it meant that the boy and I didn't have to ride on anything. This particular friend of hers is quite funny. When you first meet her, she's a little bit quiet and sort of shy. When she and the kid get together though, you couldn't ask for a more chatty-Cathy combo. I'm sure they boy was absolutely thrilled as we drove up to the fair.

"blah, blah, blah.....Oh My Gosh! Nick Jonas is SO Cute!!!! If I ever say him in person I'd be like 'aagghh! I love you Nick!!! aaaggghhh!' (and yes, they were actually screeching). Blah, blah, blah....I can't wait to eat fried dough.....I can't wait to have cotton candy.....I can't wait.....blah, blah, blah....." It was a non-stop stream of pre-tween chatter. To be honest, I'm not sure how their teacher handles them each day; I think I'd gouge my eyeballs out.

Speaking of which, I was pretty sure that by the end of our fair adventure, the boy was ready to take his own out. As the night wound down, the kid wanted to go on that pirate ship thing that runs like a giant pendulum. Her friend was so not okay with that, so Dan went in her place. As they were standing in line, there was a girl who was probably 13, with only one mission standing right behind them; to see if she could scream the loudest. It was similar to this.

Now imagine how happy he was to stand in line in front of her for 5 minutes.

As they approached the pirate ship, it looked like the boy and the kid would be the last two to squeeze on, escaping the girl.

Ha! Now imagine how happy he was to be sitting right across from her during the entire ride. I was certain that, by the end of it, he would reach across and punch her in the face - really. I know I would have.

By the end of the night, he was so completely spent, he didn't even speak. Or maybe he was just in a bad mood. I don't know. What I do know is this: he will probably never go to the fair again.

Allergic to 31

I realize that I've been an ass and have completely ignored and neglected this little blog as of late. But I have an excuse.

I turned 31.

And I seemingly had some adverse reaction to it which left me cranky and wanting to do nothing but mope around the house in sweatpants and wife beaters. It was pretty ugly.

Then this weekend, the boy and I had a date night with our friends who recently moved back to the area. It was nice. We headed to Frog and Turtle, where they were also celebrating a birthday. Apparently, all I really needed to get out of my funk was a glass of wine, two vodka tonics, an order of Poutine, and some roasted vegetable and goat cheese crepes. Awesome.

Now instead of trekking just 3.5 miles every morning, I've upped the ante to 5 because the fresh cheese curds from that Poutine seem to have made an immediate beeline for my ass.

But, it was damn good going down.

Taking a Vacation

Recently I was looking back through my work logs from the last 8 months.  I'm not sure what prompted it, but I guess maybe I needed to feel like I actually have gotten something accomplished over the course of this year.  What I felt when I was done though was sheer exhaustion.

I realized that, over these last 8 months, I have only had 32 days that I have not been working.  And none of them were in a row.  So, for my birthday, I'm giving myself a vacation.  No computer, no blog, no BlackBerry, on social networking - for 4 whole days. I know, I can hardly believe it myself.  

But, I'm shutting it all down, and just so I'm not tempted, I'm putting my SIM card in an old school cell we have kicking around, and locking the BlackBerry in the glove compartment of Dan's truck.  Just in case I have a moment of weakness.

Of course, to get prepared for a vacation, I must get ahead in work. And so, I've developed a plan to do just that.  If I've calculated correctly, I will be ready to take 4 days off in roughly 2 weeks. And then, the fun starts.  Here's what I have planned:

• Getting the car inspected.
• Painting the living room and bathroom.
• Possibly painting the upstairs and my office.
• Going through 2 years of Real Simple and Cooking Light to pull out what I want and recycle the rest.

Dan says this doesn't sound like much of a vacation to him, but this is all the crap I never get to do! I'm so excited, I can hardly stand it.  Alright, I must go work....I've got a vacation coming up!!

I'm Getting Sappy

For any of you that read this regularly, this is going to catch you by surprise. I'm going to get a little sappy here.

One of the things that I truly love about working from home is the ability to respond to noon-time phone calls that go a little something like this:

"Mom! Can you come to my show at noon?"
"It's noon right now."
"Well, it starts at 12:30."
"Ok, I'll be right there."
"Thanks mom, I love you!"

And then you get to go to camp, be dragged around while the kid tells all her friends that her mom was able to make it to the noon-time show, revel in the fact that all the kids say, "wow, that's your mom? She looks so young!" (Thank God for anti-aging products!) And then you get to watch the show.

And I love that when the performance is over, you have to breath deep because your heart is in your throat and the tears are just about to come; you realize that your child is really happy, really having fun, and growing up way too fast.

Then you slip on the face-blockers, climb in the station wagon, and go back to work again.

Starting Summer Off With A Bang

Well, I just looked at the calendar and realized that it's the first day of summer today. And it's raining and 60 degrees here; huh.

On a happier note, I'm headed out for a girls' night, which likely spells not only trouble, but a great story tomorrow.

The last time I was out with this same group, we managed to get kicked out of a bar that I think probably never kicks anyone out. It was quite an accomplishment.

And the reason? Because my very verbal friend got in a sailor-swearing contest with a woman I believe to be the owner's wife. It's been nearly 3 years since I've tried to get back in there, so if we make a stop at ForePlay, it could get ugly.

That same night, I remember walking what seemed like 10 miles with my friend Sarah who was up from Kittery, just so we could get back to the West End and crash; mind you, the West End is about 10 blocks from the Old Port, but it seemed like a really long way considering my state of mind. And it wouldn't have been so bad, but I was wearing my lovely Gucci boots that look pretty from afar, but when they're on your foot, it's a total effing nightmare.

But we're starting the night at Norm's for dinner at 6:30, a very reasonable hour for old hags like myself. Although the girls' want to make a banger of a night out of it, we know how bad things can get when I put a few drinks in me. Not to mention the fact that 9 o'clock seems to be my bedtime lately.

So, I'll report in tomorrow with all the details. I'm *forgetting* my camera, so there is no actual evidence of anything that goes on......

Oh, and speaking of ridiculous shoes (here my ADD is clearly kicking in.......) check these out.

Memorial Day

For any of you that had a rockstar Memorial Day weekend, I commend you. Whooping it up, drinking lots of fabulous beverages and eating lots of stuff off the grill. I hope you had some for me too.

Our weekend was largely uneventful. An extended play date turned sleep-over turned to another play date gave the boy and I the first date night we've had since I don't know when. Nothing exciting, just Chinese food and the CSI: Miami marathon on Bravo.

Yesterday, I was completely lazy, spending a lot of time working on my book that my publisher is waiting on, plus outlining a second book that I've been contracted for. All the whilst, America's Next Top Model was playing in the background. I love that show almost as much as Hogan Knows Best; crazy eh?

The boy spent his weekend laying sod and generally trying to make our Sanford N Sons yard look a little more like a landscaper lives here. I'm proud to say that it's coming right along. Now, as long as that damn grub infestation doesn't return, we'll be all set.

All right, boring, blah, blah, I know. But that was my smashing holiday weekend - without the smashed part.

Hope you had a great one!

Happy Days

Well, today was a much happier day......I spent the week covering my friends' daycare because she and her family went to AZ for a little vaca......so, I spent 10 hours each day chasing 8-10 screaming children....good times.

However, during nap today, I updated my play list on my iPod......my new favorites are:

Goldfrapp: Supernature
Flunk: Morning Star
Esthero: Wikked Lil' Grrrls

If you like what you hear, check out Frou Frou and Jem also.....

Now, if the snow would just melt and the sun would shine!!!