Old People Are Pissing Me Off

And I'm not talking "old" like my grammie and grampie (in their late 80's), I'm talking about those damn meme's that are in their 60's and have bad dye-jobs.

I just left an intramural soccer game at The Kid's school and I was sitting behind one of these meme's, which is where my bad mood started. Keep in mind that this was an intramural game - no high stakes, no trophies, no World Cup, just a bunch of kids running around chasing a soft yellow "soccer" ball in a pint-sized gym.

"Come on Hannah! Block the ball Hannah! Run Hannah! Good block Hannah! Dribble the ball Hannah, dribble the ball." And on, and on, and on. Jesus God. Really? And then when Hannah would miss-kick, "What ah ya doin' Hannah? Get on that ball Hannah!"

It's a f'ing intramural game grammaw! Half the kids playing in this game are doing so because they're not qualified to play "real" soccer. Just ask my kid, "Syd, are you good at soccer?"

"Um, no. I pretty much suck. But that's why I play intramural's. I can still play but just have fun."

And that's the way it should be.

So then I decided that I needed a change of scenery today since half of my office is disassembled upstairs and the other half is re-assembled in the basement, I've made the decision that I'll surf all the free Internet I can find in town today (meaning Panera, Border's and the library). I no sooner get to Panera and another one of these goddamn meme's is bitching because there's no light roast coffee in the urn. And as the manager comes walking out of the back with an urn in each hand she huffs and says, "Oh! So there you are. I was wondering if we were ever going to get some light roast."

It's a good thing I'm not the manager. I would have thrown the light roast right at her, hopefully drenching her ugly snowman sweatshirt and her ugly mouse-brown dye job. I mean, really, if you're going to dye your hair, at least pick a decent color.

Not Everyone Appreciates My Sense of Humor

So we all know that I write for a living, yes?

And we also all know that my sense of humor can be slightly off-color, snarky, and wholly inappropriate. In fact, I regularly offend people, like those in Sanford.

Now, it's not secret that I write for a couple of big companies that have legal departments with the ability to pull the plug on any article I come up with; so for the most part, I try to be pretty good about what I say, and I typically keep it pretty clean.

So imagine my surprise when I got something sent back to me yesterday, covered in strike-throughs. What was the offending statement you might wonder?

Something about how the maxi-dress style can often make you look like a beached whale if you're not careful when you wear it; or, for example, if you're short like me.

What I want to know is, how is that offensive? It's totally true. I mean, find any short chic and throw her in maxi-dress and see how it turns out. I'm telling ya right now, she's not looking like Angelia Jolie. There are girls out there making bazillions of dollars being bitchy and snarky - for example, Ms. Jen Lancaster.

Not that I'm funny like her, but still, I'm trying to make a point here.

Top 10 Reasons I Haven't Been Blogging

Clearly, I've been out of the loop for a while - roughly 6 weeks to be exact. But really, there's been good reason:

1. I've been really busy. Like, working crazy amounts of hours, and by the time I'm done, I have nothing left to give my little blog.

2. I have a dog that's been getting me up at 4:30 to use the bathroom; at the end of the day, I'm simply exhausted.

3. I've been trying to avoid the house. The boy is home now, except for when it snows (which is much less in February), and the more time I spend cooped up with him, the more I want to cause him serious bodily harm.

4. Did I mention I've been working a lot?

5. And spending a ton of time on Facebook.

6. And Twitter.

7. The only really funny stuff that's happened involve the boy, and he's been pretty adamant that I leave him out of this.

8. I've become addicted to Mario Kart.

9. And realized that I sucked so I need to practice a lot.

10. I hate the month of February and am always in a bad mood the entire month.

So, overall, the excuses really aren't good. And I know that I need to either cut-off the blog, or spend a little more time with it. So, I'll try to be better, and spend a little more time blogging, a little less time playing Wii, and a lot less time trying to figure out how to magically make the boy disappear until April.

My Whiney Ass Can't Stop Complaining.

I got this really hair-brained idea lately that I should start keeping a gratitude journal. Nothing fancy, just a few notes every morning about the things in my life that I'm grateful for. The purpose of the exercise was to try and pep me up. Make me a happy gal. Get me out of my funk.

Now, maybe I'm a little sick and twisted, but the shit I'm thankful for is really pretty lame. And when I'm writing down the teeny little stuff that I'm thankful for (that the boy shoveled the driveway before he left for work), I'm thinking about all the really big shit that I'm pissed about (that he waited until the last possible second to try to buy the shoes I asked him for as a Christmas gift and now he can't find them so I'll be the only person at home without anything to open). I realize in the grand scheme of things that this last sentence makes me a) incredibly shallow and b) sound really dumb for complaining about shoes when there's all sorts of people starving in the world.

But here's the deal. I'm not so much pissed about the fact that I won't have a gift under the tree to open, I'm more pissed about the fact that he waits until the last possible minute to do anything. Therefore, most of everything falls in my lap. I'm finding it difficult to turn that into something I'm grateful for in my little gratitude journal.

Other things I'm not grateful for :: all this effing snow, the fact that infertility testing involves the boy sperminating (Sarah's word) in a plastic cup which he's mad at me about, that tomorrow will probably be a snow day which means I'll spend the whole day explaining that "no I can't entertain you right now because I have work to do," to a child that just doesn't get that the world does not revolve around her 24/7. I'm not grateful that it's so effing cold, nor am I grateful for the fact that our firewood supplier screwed us out of 2 cords and $400; I hope he has a shitty holiday. Oh, and I'm also really not grateful that I totally lack willpower and I inhaled almost an entire 9x9 pan of brownies today - for breakfast.

So, what am I grateful for? I'm grateful for my job - I love the fact that I get paid to sit home and write every single day. I'm grateful that I had most of my holiday shopping done way ahead of time and that I have a snowblower and I'm not afraid to use it. I'm grateful that my daughter gave up her crusade to keep us from running the dishwasher because I couldn't take one more sinkful of dirty dishes. And mostly, I'm grateful for the fact that even though it's really effing cold out, it's pretty darn purty looking.

Ok, so I'm not a total grinch. And now I'm going to sign off, go put my feet up by the fire, knit some more, drink a big fat glass of Pinot, and finish watching The Wizard of Oz with the kid.

Happy Holidays!

Guitar Hero Corrupted Me

One thing I love most about the boy is his predictability in most situations. For example, you can count on the fact that if the cat is crying to get fed in the morning, he'll tell her to shut-up on his way to the coffee pot, instead of just feeding her.

Or, if he comes home from work and he's grouchy, you can make fun of him and he'll actually laugh at how stupid he's acting. You can always count on the fact that he will not take the initiative to plan a romantic weekend away, or even get his mom to babysit so we can go to a movie.

Now, he wasn't always this way. He used to be highly unpredictable, which drove me kind of crazy, and there were many arguments about his erratic moods, so in some respects I only have myself to blame for the way he is now; he has become predictable as a defense mechanism.

So imagine my surprise yesterday, when he called me at 11:30 to see if he could take me out to lunch.

Typically, this would thrill me. A mid-week, mid-day date. However, when he called, I was still in my pink polka-dot pajamas, UGGS, and winter hat that I had done car pool in 3 hours earlier. Why was I not showered or dressed?

Um, I was playing Guitar Hero.

Yes, it's true. When he called I was actually working, but for the 2 hours before that, I had been a bona fide rock star. Strumming the notes of Joan Jet, Blink 182, and No Doubt while the dogs howled and barked like a perfect audience.

So, did I fess up? Hell no. I had 20 minutes to get presentable. I absolutely ran through this house, shedding pajamas, kicking off UGGS, and throwing on the first clothes I could find that weren't wrinkled. Which were not necessarily the cutest clothes I own, but they were acceptable.

By the time he pulled in to the driveway, I was not showered, but dressed, with my teeth brushed and make-up on. He even commented on how cute I looked. And of course, I pecked him on the cheek and said, "why thanks honey, you're looking pretty dapper yourself."

He was none the wiser and I didn't have to admit that I had wasted my morning playing a video game. It was the perfect beginning to a perfectly unpredictable mid-day lunch date.

I Seem To Disappear A Lot Lately.

But I promise that I've had a majorly good excuse. Really.

First, I had to get ready for Thanksgiving with my grandparents - you know, the now 86-year-old grandmother who calls me a whore and questions how I raise my daughter every time she sees me? Oh yeah, that one. In anticipation, I decided to cook a little side-dish as sort of a, "look at me grammie, really, I'm a grown-up. I even cook." I made my friend Jessica's Spelt and Roasted Squash Salad, which was really effing yummy; you should totally try it.

Dinner at gram's ended up being quite pleasant - no name calling - and after 6 years, she's finally taken down the family portrait of my ex-husband, the kid, and I. Wow. Could we be moving on? That's all I want for Christmas......

After dinner, the kid decided to stay with my parents for the long weekend. As an added bonus, the boy was working 12 hour days. Are you adding this up? I ended up having so much alone time I wasn't sure what to do with myself. My intent was to work - which I did. Putting together holiday looks for baby boys, gift guides for baby boys and girls under $15 and $25 dollars, moderating forums, and pulling together gift guides for highly fashionable adults too. But all that only took me like, one day. I still had a lot of time to fill. So, what did I do?

• Trolled Facebook and surprisingly found my friend KLJ. Since her work email seems to hate me and I can't get messages about knitting to her that way, I'm hoping we can chat via Facebook now and set up dates that way. Hint, hint KLJ....log in to FB.
  
• I tracked down the man whom we purchased firewood from - who cheated us out of 1.5 cords, and asked when we would see the rest of our wood. He hung up on me so I called the police and was told I needed to sue him in Civil Court. Great.
• I played Guitar Hero - a lot.
• I ate 2 pints of Ben & Jerry's Half-Baked FroYo.
• I did NOT go shopping - except online.
• I watched a ton of television - HGTV, TLC, Lifetime......
• I knitted a new pair of fingerless gloves.
• I cleaned my house.

I was so productive I can barely stand it. And when the kid came home on Sunday afternoon, I felt so refreshed, it was like I was a new person. I'm not going to lie, I now understand how important it is to take a time-out and that will be my New Year's Resolution; taking time for me.

In other unrelated news, Prevention Magazine has asked me to participate in their Flat Belly Diet program for 32 days and blog about it for their online community. I think it's with like 49 other women. Do you think they're trying to tell me something??

Anyway, on to a diet, a lawsuit, and more gift guides.....I promise I won't disappear for another 2 weeks this time.....

Taking a Vacation

Recently I was looking back through my work logs from the last 8 months.  I'm not sure what prompted it, but I guess maybe I needed to feel like I actually have gotten something accomplished over the course of this year.  What I felt when I was done though was sheer exhaustion.

I realized that, over these last 8 months, I have only had 32 days that I have not been working.  And none of them were in a row.  So, for my birthday, I'm giving myself a vacation.  No computer, no blog, no BlackBerry, on social networking - for 4 whole days. I know, I can hardly believe it myself.  

But, I'm shutting it all down, and just so I'm not tempted, I'm putting my SIM card in an old school cell we have kicking around, and locking the BlackBerry in the glove compartment of Dan's truck.  Just in case I have a moment of weakness.

Of course, to get prepared for a vacation, I must get ahead in work. And so, I've developed a plan to do just that.  If I've calculated correctly, I will be ready to take 4 days off in roughly 2 weeks. And then, the fun starts.  Here's what I have planned:

• Getting the car inspected.
• Painting the living room and bathroom.
• Possibly painting the upstairs and my office.
• Going through 2 years of Real Simple and Cooking Light to pull out what I want and recycle the rest.

Dan says this doesn't sound like much of a vacation to him, but this is all the crap I never get to do! I'm so excited, I can hardly stand it.  Alright, I must go work....I've got a vacation coming up!!

An Ego Boost For Sure

So earlier today I was over at Saving with Style to post about Clothes Off Our Back - an auction site where you can grab celebrity gear and know that you money is going to fight childhood hunger. Now, before you groan and click away.......Imagine my surprise when I saw this.


Crack me right the f*ck up. I'm thinking about blowing this up to poster size and hanging it in the house somewhere. Do you think I can just point to the sign every time the boy or the kid argues with me?

Are You Ready for This? I'm Not.

So, it seems that over the course of the next two weeks, my smiling face will be delivered to 2 million inboxes around the country, courtesy of Upromise.com.

Dear Sweet Gentle Jesus.

Don't get me wrong, the Upromise site is great - in fact, if you have children and you're reading this, and you're NOT signed up for Upromise, you're ca.razy.  Free money for college....hello?!? Miss Sydi has been a member since birth and with any luck, I won't have to pay for textbooks, or maybe her student lunch card.  Anyway, it's totally worth it; especially if you're like me and do a lot of your shopping online.

But, back to the original intent of this post.  In the grand scheme of things, 2 million people is really just a drop in the bucket, but to me, it seems like a hella lot.  So, if you're already signed up over there, be prepared, I'm coming right into your home and you don't have a darn thing to say about it. 

Hip Hop Grannies

I don't know how many of you have the luxury of sitting in your bathrobe, laptop on lap, watching the Today Show in the morning, but that pretty much sums up my life on most mornings. That's truly what I love about the freelance writer's life. Don't get me wrong, I work hard, but I also get some unadvertised perks.

Anyway, while watching the Today Show this morning, I caught this segment on Hip Hop Grannies in China. And of course, I had to share it with everyone else - just in case you actually had to go in to the office today.

No-Neck Mows the Lawn

So it's official; No-Neck has become a man.

Today was "learn to mow the lawn" day over at Leaf Blower and Mullet Mom's.  There's nothing better than looking out the window over a sandwich to see a sweaty and shirtless Leaf Blower teaching the kid how to mow the lawn.  And believe you me, it was a sight.

Because Leaf Blower is a communist when it comes to his lawn (um, and basically everything else), you might imagine that the lines must be perfectly straight.  So, as No-Neck finished each row and turned the mower around, fat, sweaty, SHIRTLESS (and hairy) Leaf Blower would rush over, bending sideways to see if the line was, indeed, straight.  He'd put his hand out, close one eye, and squint just to make sure.

Seriously.  Their kid is 10.  My someday spouse is 32 and he doesn't even mow the lawn in straight lines.  Christ.

Of course, in some small way, this is probably just punishment for their kid who was recently seen riding his bike through the neighborhood with his mother, screaming at her that she was stupid the entire time; like, really screaming.  So loudly, that my friend actually called me about it to tell me.  

I know, we're pathetic.

In other news, I've been a busy chicky, which is why I haven't been around the blogosphere lately. I had a quick turn copyedit assignment that I cranked out over the weekend, spending the one sunny day we've had in 2 months cooped up in my office.  Other than that, nothing all that exciting going on.  The last few weeks of the summer will be, hopefully, uneventful. 

Rain, Rain Go Away

Honest to Christ, it has been raining for an unGODly amount of time. Like, it's seriously redonkulous.

The school-shopping trip to the Big K turned out to be a total bust. It was raining that day too - actually, it was more like a deluge of water just streaming from the sky, leaving ginormous puddles in it's wake, but whatever. They had none of the clothes the kid wanted at Kmart, but we did get to stop at Steve and Barry's where I scored a few cute t-shirts from the Bitten line - which I love. And thanks to Corey, by the way, for pointing out that the store has declared bankruptcy. I'm happy to say that they may be staying in business though, according to the manager of the store whom I chatted up whilst shopping.

One thing I learned about the Bitten line though; it was created only for people that become invisible when they stand sideways. Any woman that has hips is not going to wear that clothing line - ever. Which was disappointing, because I have hips.

In other rambling-style news, we had a bat in the house the other night. Which pretty much made me shit myself. While I cowered on the couch, screaming my bloddy lungs out while the bat circled my head so closely that I could feel the wind beneath it's wings, the boy ran around the house with a brown shirt over his head like a cape, thinking he could chase it out.

Clearly, he's a total fucking moron.

I continued to scream while he wrapped me in a blanket and shoved me in my office with the door closed, and then opened all the doors in the house in hopes that it would fly out. It worked, but not before I was screaming at him too about the possibility that another bat would fly IN. Jesus, I'm surprised our stripper-man cops didn't show up to save the day.

Conversations Overheard

Recently, my life has taken me all over the place it seems. In my recent travels, I have seen and heard things that I feel must be shared. Why? Because I have nothing better to do.

Seen:

• a very large man wearing a "brew crew" tshirt, taking a piss while smoking a cigarette next to a kerosene pump at the ghetto gas station.
• a naked man running through a hotel.
• two people having sex on the floor of the fitness center of the same hotel.

Overheard:

• "Can I sit with you? No. Why not? Because you're fucking homeless and you smell bad," at an Old Port Dunkin' Donuts.
• "It's an issue mom because he's the baby's father and he's going to get deported," over lunch at Gritty's.
• "Just don't change your routine; the only way marriage works is if you just keep doing what you've always done. Never ask him, and he'll never say no," bridesmaids giving advice to a future bride.

Lame, isn't it? I've been non-bloggy for a week, and this is all I've got. Oh, wait, I've also got the shameless plug for all the work I've been doing at About and Upromise......

I'll try to pull together a little funny for the coming week.....I promise.

I'm Getting Sappy

For any of you that read this regularly, this is going to catch you by surprise. I'm going to get a little sappy here.

One of the things that I truly love about working from home is the ability to respond to noon-time phone calls that go a little something like this:

"Mom! Can you come to my show at noon?"
"It's noon right now."
"Well, it starts at 12:30."
"Ok, I'll be right there."
"Thanks mom, I love you!"

And then you get to go to camp, be dragged around while the kid tells all her friends that her mom was able to make it to the noon-time show, revel in the fact that all the kids say, "wow, that's your mom? She looks so young!" (Thank God for anti-aging products!) And then you get to watch the show.

And I love that when the performance is over, you have to breath deep because your heart is in your throat and the tears are just about to come; you realize that your child is really happy, really having fun, and growing up way too fast.

Then you slip on the face-blockers, climb in the station wagon, and go back to work again.

I'm Gonna Warn You Now.....

This post will be primarily nonsense. Not nonsense like bullshit, but nonsense like, not making any sense.

Some of you might wonder where I've been; other's of you are probably glad I haven't written. Either way, I've just been hella busy, so if you count on me to bring a little sunshine to your life, I apologize for my absence.

If you only read this blog because I'm like a train wreck and you just can't look away, I'll apologize for coming back.

So, what have I been up to? Well, I finally got my website up and running - thank God. I wrote a whole bunch of stuff for Upromise, including a post about affordable fashion at Kmart (yes, really), the line of clothing that mark. offers, and the decided addiction that women have when it comes to shoes.

I've also been over at About, pulling together some new content, and recognizing that I really need to spend about three days doing nothing but writing about baby clothes.

The Stacie-hater from Sanford posted a comment again, on my last post, and then an old high school classmate came to my defense; thanks for having my back Jami. Jami, like my friend Rachel, is truly far too nice, and clean-mouthed, to actually be friends with me; sometimes I think it might be a pity things with these Michigan girls....lol......I will say though, she had some things to say to that chick from Sanford.

Oh, and just so no one feels left out, here's proof that I make fun of everyone, including myself.

I Often Question Whether or Not I Should Take Myself Seriously

One of the things about my job is that I have to keep myself on a pretty tight schedule.  I mean, on my calendar, I have specific time slots alloted for specific clients.  

However, yesterday, I scored a majorly exciting gig; writing all of the catalog copy for Melie Bianco Bags for their new line.  So amazingly fab.  Can. Not. Even. Tell. You.

That said, the copy needed to be done almost as quickly as we signed the contract.  Which meant, my little schedule got thrown for a loop.

So it was just now that I sat down to do the work that I typically do at 5:30 in the morning.  One of the clients I write for on a daily basis has a lingerie blog.  Most of the time, I get to write about great new women's stuff, and when it's time to chat about men's skivvies, I spend a lot of time giggling......because I'm wildly immature.  But hey, if it pays the bills, what the hell, right?

So, because I have nothing more productive to say, and because I still have a lot of work to do yet tonite, I wanted to give you a few links that I found quite interesting this evening.

Kid Friendly Sex Shop Opens in New York

A Take on Angelina Jolie's Comment That She Feels Sexier While Preggo With Twins

I love getting paid to read the UK papers....seriously, it's such fun.

Oh, and while you're busy clicking all these other links, head over to the baby clothes site - alarming write up about the chemicals used to grow conventional cotton.

What You Want vs. What You Get

I've always been a big believer in "you get what you ask for."  Even before that damn movie "The Secret" was out, I knew inherently that, if you put out bad vibes, you'd get them back; if you put out happy ones, you'll get them.  It's called karma.

So, in general, I try to be pretty good-natured.  But, over the course of the last several days, I've been beaten down into submission from the karmic-Gods and I don't even know what I did to deserve it.  Here's how it's gone down in my little game of "What You Want vs. What You Get."

What I Want :: To make people laugh.

What I Get :: My brother calling my dad and tattling on me after I blogged about stuff I'd already said to him in person.

What I Want :: A nice little fence around the back yard so the dogs can frolic happily.

What I Get :: A nice 4 1/2 foot fence that took twelve hours to install, multiple trips to Home Depot, hundreds of dollars out of our checking account, and a dog that is apparently crossbred with Super Man because he can jump over it like it's nothing. 

What I Want :: One day to work completely uninterrupted.

What I Get :: 3 hours of chasing a loose dog around the neighborhood while he proudly carries a dead squirrel in his mouth.

What I Want :: To serve my time on jury duty in peace.

What I Get :: A seat next to chatty-cathy whose breath always smells like cat poop.

So what did I do to piss off the karma Gods anyway?  I can think of about 10 people that are going to email me right after they read this and list all the reasons I'm being justly punished.

Working from home vs. Working in an office

There are definite advantages to working from home, don't get me wrong.  But for every advantage, there is also a disadvantage.  So, for anyone considering a work-at-home career, take the following in to consideration.

1. You might have a neighbor that likes to drive past your house on his riding lawnmower, thus making clients on the other end of the phone say, "What's that noise?"  Trying to explain it becomes difficult when they are under the impression that you are actually working in an office.

2. You will have unlimited access to your cupboards and food, therefore, your risk of obesity is much higher because you can eat ice cream, cookies, and Butterfingers anytime you want.

3. If you choose to be the better person and not buy junk food, thus reducing your risk of becoming obese, your family will hate you, and the evening hours of your day will be miserable.

4. You will likely get distracted by things such as laundry, MySpace, YouTube, and Facebook.

5. It's easy to develop and online gambling habit.

6. You only get paid when your clients decide it's time to cut a check; you cannot storm in to their offices and demand payment if they do not live in the same town as you.

7. If they do live in the same town, and you do storm into their office, be prepared to be escorted out by security, never see the money the owe you, and never be able to work in the town you live in again.

8. Your significant other may develop the annoying habit of saying, "So, what are you doing tomorrow?"  If you state the obvious, "working just like you," s/he will roll their eyes and say, "No, really, what are you doing?"  This will cause tension in your household and you will have to fight the urge to screech, "do you think I just pluck paychecks off the money tree in the backyard asshole?"

9. You might decide to blog all day instead of actually working.

10. You run the risk of becoming socially inept because you spend your entire day with two dogs, a cat, and your computer.

Exciting News!

Well, I'm happy to say that I've got baby news......not my own of course, because we all know how well that seems to be going.

But, one of my BFF's called yesterday to say she's cookin' a kid and I gotta say, if anyone deserves a little, it's her.  For all the time I've known her, she's wanted nothing more than to have a screeching child to chase around.  Bless her heart, she's watched countless nieces and nephews be born, and she's never once shown petty jealously, unlike me. 

Rae is one of those people that's really, really nice. if I didn't actually know her, I'd probably spend a lot of time disliking her because she's so nice and sweet.  I don't think I've ever heard her gossip, and I've only seen her mad once, and that was after a bad breakup when she was talking about stealing and torching her ex's car.....that she paid for.  

Of course, that's all water under the bridge now.  She's like the always optimistic gal who's incredibly successful, has landed herself a hottie husband that drives for UPS and she's got the cutest little house in the 'burbs.  

Now that I'm writing out all these redeeming qualities, it kind of makes me wonder what she sees in me; maybe I'm her secret alter ego that she just never lets out of the bag.

Anyway.....how's the weekend shaking up?  Last nite, we took the kid to Margarita's for a belated birthday dinner.  Apparently, the boy taking her out to breakfast the morning of her birthday, plus the overnight hotel slumber party with 6 friends, and the 6 weeks of horseback riding we bought for her as a gift weren't enough; can anyone say "spoiled?"  

I tried to explain to her that Margarita's would be incredibly busy on a Friday nite at 7 o'clock, but she'd hear nothing of it.  So we went, and we waited.  And, we were lucky enough to be standing right in front of a couple that had a screaming child.  And they were those parents that wouldn't take the damn kid out of the place.  

We're not talking an occasional scream, we're talking full on, terrorizing type screaming to the point where the father was covering his mouth in a desperate attempt to muffle the ear-drum bursting decibel level.  I'm pretty sure my ears started to bleed a little.

I, being the really nice person I am, wanted to turn around and be like, "If you can't shut that damn kid up I'm going to haul him out of here by his toenails and duct tape him to the top of my car."  Of course, before I could turn around and utter the words, the boy flicked me and said, "Don't even think about it."

Call me crass, but for Christ's sake, when your kid is screaming in a restaurant and you are subjecting countless other victims to the misery that you choose to inflict upon yourself, do everyone a favor and just leave.  Or at least take the kid outside.  Or, give him a drink.  A little peach margarita would have shut him right up.

See, this directly relates back to the Rae friendship; she would have whipped out her Anthropologie apron and pulled some treats out of her magic bag of goodies.  She would have cooed a little, maybe even invented a quick game or two so the kid would be pre-occupied and stop screaming.  She's good like that.  

I, on the other hand, just resented the hell out of the little beast.

Um, so that was our Friday.  Today, I'm working on finishing up my manuscript (still....and yes, I was still working on it last weekend too) and trying to also complete the suitcase that my friend Ms. Sarah (who owns Ms. Lulu's) asked me for about 6 months ago.  She saw Syd's and wanted a little piece of the action for herself.......however, I seem to be having a creative block" primarily because I don't want her to get the suitcase and be like "What the hell is this piece of shit?"

That's it.  I'm going to head back down to the basement and play with some more spray adhesive now.....have a great weekend!!

Memorial Day

For any of you that had a rockstar Memorial Day weekend, I commend you. Whooping it up, drinking lots of fabulous beverages and eating lots of stuff off the grill. I hope you had some for me too.

Our weekend was largely uneventful. An extended play date turned sleep-over turned to another play date gave the boy and I the first date night we've had since I don't know when. Nothing exciting, just Chinese food and the CSI: Miami marathon on Bravo.

Yesterday, I was completely lazy, spending a lot of time working on my book that my publisher is waiting on, plus outlining a second book that I've been contracted for. All the whilst, America's Next Top Model was playing in the background. I love that show almost as much as Hogan Knows Best; crazy eh?

The boy spent his weekend laying sod and generally trying to make our Sanford N Sons yard look a little more like a landscaper lives here. I'm proud to say that it's coming right along. Now, as long as that damn grub infestation doesn't return, we'll be all set.

All right, boring, blah, blah, I know. But that was my smashing holiday weekend - without the smashed part.

Hope you had a great one!