Yummy Goodness

Today, in my quest for better health, I ate a brownie for breakfast and a bag of Munchos for lunch...... chocolate and salt all in one day......yummy, yummy, goodness. And yes, as I ate the bag of Munchos, I felt some guilt. Then I chugged down my Pepsi and gave myself a pat on the back for not going back in to Cumbies for the pack of Ho-Ho's I was salivating over at the counter. Clearly, day 2 of my Self Challenge was a little, well, challenging.

What is it with us women and that time of the month? My pseudo-husband views it as a heavenly gift from above; in his eyes, it is an end to the week of "Holy bee-otch from H-E-Double Hockey Sticks." I view it as a time to complain about headaches, backaches, an opportunity to eat whatever I damn well please and, more importantly, the unfortunate end to my ability to be the "Holy bee-otch" without any questions asked.

As for the rest of my day, I did a little bit of job searching, a little bit of thrifting and then went and hung out with my not-so-recently-dumped friend who is a)rebounding nicely, b)also jobless, and c)working on having some more drama that she obviously needs about as much as another hole in the head. I sound just like my dad.

The Challenge

Each morning, I try to get up at 5ish to workout.....although I do not subject myself to they gym like meg and jen, I do turn on the DVR and do one of the several FitTV workouts that I've recorded. Today though, is the start of the annual Self Challenge which I have half-ass committed to for almost every year since its inception....too bad I have never actually finished it. However, since I am unemployed I figure I really have nothing better to do......plus, if I get in the habit of lazing around, when I do start working again, it's going to be a bitch rolling out of bed. So, today was the start.....and at 6:30, Syd came in my bedroom, poked me and said "Mumma, you forgot to get up and workout."

Jeez, how did that happen? I thought I set the alarm......oh wait, I did, but it's shoved under my pillow.......weird. So I did it. I hauled myself up, did the workout.......became very thirsty and drank a cup of coffee instead of the recommended water.......and now I'm trying to get the kid out of bed to go to school. Later today, there will be a trip to Wild Oats and the new Whole Foods......although I see Wild Oats has Green Mountain coffee on sale BOGO Free!!! Yummy. It will be my first stop.

Anyone out there in bloggysphere want to join me on the 3 month quest to better health? I don't need encouragement like "Eh tiger, win the war on chub!" I need "What do you mean you didn't get up and workout? And then you ate a cookie for breakfast? You are a TOTAL fat-ass!"

Body issues? Me? Nah.......

Snow Days

Yesterday my friends, was a snow day. I love, love, love snow days. Staying in your jammies until you actually get your lazy butt up and take a shower in the middle of the afternoon......or maybe that's just my incredibly lazy self.....not sure. Speaking of incredibly lazy, the kid wanted muffins for breakfast yesterday - chocolate chip to be precise, and I was out of chocolate chips. I probably could have walked less than a tenth of a mile to get to our friendly neighborhood Rite-Aid, or better yet, walked to the dog up the street to the Quality Shop to buy some......I decided instead that it would be much easier to hack up her V-day candy and throw them in the mix......did I also mention I was too lazy to make two batches so the result were these oversized blobs of chocolaty goodness? Just to reaffirm that I am indeed the most wonderful parent in the world, I calculated the nutritional info on one of these bad boys......341 calories and 20 grams of fat......is it sheer irony that such a piece of food is perched proudly on Barbie's slim and trim, blond haired and blue eyed figure? Indeed.

Previously, in my life......

I was very "Carrie"-ish in Sex in the City......I didn't dress quite so glam, but I loved the shoes and I was always confused about Mr. Big. Even after I had Syd, I was still doing okay, except I didn't have my very own cool bachelorette pad - I had an apatment strewn with toys. Several years ago, Mr. Big and I decided we would give it a shot - then a few months ago, I finally harnessed him for the long haul. Slowly, Carrie was fading away.

Then, as I sat in my yoga pants knitting the other night, Syd came clomping down the hallway in the last piece of what used to be my life - a pair of black Gucci boots. Yes, that's it. That's all I have left of my previous me......a wonderfully, beautiful, sleek and sexy pair of black Gucci boots. And just like any good Carrie would do, I wore them in the least favorable weather and never cared that they made my feet hurt - afterall, they are Gucci.

So, I kindly asked Syd to put them back and to never touch them again....."they are very important to me and they were very expensive. You can play with anything else in my closet, but please, please pinky swear that you will never play with these again." I begged, I pleaded. Over the weekend, during a sleepover, I get this:

S: Mumma?!?

M: What?

S: Can you come here please? I need to show you something.

I knew, just from the quivering in her voice, it was going to be bad. I never imagined it would look like this. Apparently, there was a pretend rock concert that I didn't get a ticket to. So, as I creep closer to 30, not only am I mourning the loss of my 20's, I'm missing my Gucci too.

this one goes out to you gram......

For any of you that are burdened with being one of my nearest and dearest friends, you have at inevitably heard about the troubles that my gram has with my "unmarried" status.....specifically that I am currently raising my child with little regard for morals or what is "right." For the last little while, she has happily made snide remarks about me living in sin.....and dear God, let's NOT go down the road of my prior divorce!! Once, when discussing infidelity, she actually made the statement "if a man is cheating on his wife, she should be happy; it's one less thing she has to worry about!" WTF?!? Are you kidding me?? Relevant or not, let me interject here that my father happens to be adopted......

Anyway, at a meal sometime around Thanksgiving a conversation went something like this:

Gram: while addressing everyone at the table "Can you believe this weather?"
Random Answer: I know.....hmm....
Gram: the other day (sneak attack kick me under the table) I was out with the dog (side comment: whore) and I just needed a light sweater......

As my mouth is hanging open, no one else seems to realize that she, my 85 year old grandmother, has just kicked me under the table, called me a whore out of the side of her mouth, and managed to continue her conversation about absolutely nothing without missing a beat. I mean, do you even use the word whore when you're 85? Funny enough, at Christmas, when I showed her my sparkly new engagement ring, the only thing she had to say was "oh, that's nice." I have come to terms with the fact that her position will never change; however, just because I am my father's child, I think I might send her this article.

Don't get me wrong, I love my gram. She and my gramp have both been tremendously inspirational to me over the years.....but come on already!!!!

brrr.....

Winter in Maine is problematic, if only for one reason; when it decides to get cold, it is damn cold - and it stays that way. Today is a day for my coziest sweater, a pair of slippers, coffee and books or knitting......oh, wait, it's only Thursday. I guess that means I actually have to go to work. Damn.

Random Ramblings

Several days ago, I went thru the Dunkin' Donuts drive-thru for a bagel and when I opened my bag, lo and behold, my bagel was there....but so was a little container of lite cream cheese AND a plastic knife. Hm. Now, isn't the purpose of the drive-thru ultimate convenience for lazy people like me? And, if you're in the drive-thru, you're in your CAR and aren't you supposed to be focused on driving? Not on cream-cheesing a bagel? Grr...

Moving on to another random subject.....my recently dumped friend has gone on a fishing expedition - now, I have never actually dabbled in on-line dating, but back when IMing was first hot, I did meet a boy.....his name was Nate and I traveled across the country to meet him; I was 17 and in college and my father was pissed and he lectured me; I wondered if I'd ever have the opportunity to return the favor to anyone. Well, I did - enter, recently dumped friend, stage right. She decided to travel to NH to meet this gentleman; he's a car salesman.....uh, I mean, a high-end car dealership sales manager. I find this title to be kind of like the food ambassadors at Hannaford; it sounds fancy, but at the end of the day, you're still supposed to sell something. Now, besides the fact that he could be an axe-murderer, rapist, robber or any other random act of bad-man, when you have minor children, you just cannot do such things! So, I lectured, laughed, was slightly sarcastic yet witty and good-natured; it didn't matter, she went anyway. At least for safety's sake she emailed me all the info she had about him - although thinking about it now, it wouldn't have done me much good because if she hadn't returned, he would have already had a few days lead on dumping the body. Call me a cynic, I know.

My last ramble for the day, I promise. I'm not sure if any of you have been following this; but it really is funny. If you're a mom, you should get one.

Toxic Air

As I was driving home on the T-Pike the other day, I passed a teal Ford Windstar, circa mid '90's with a license plate that read PRDNJOY.......now, as obnoxious as I am, I find several problems with this, not the first of which is the driver, windows up and a Camel hanging out of her mouth with a van full of kids. Now, if the children are the "PRDNJOY" why coop them up with the carcinogens? If the VAN is the "PRDNJOY", well, that's just a problem anyway - who is both prideful and joyful at the thought of driving a teal Ford Windstar? Minivan drivers beware, I am definitely not a lover of the cargo-carriers....primarily because my insecure side says to me that when you buy a minivan, you've gone down a road that you can never return from......

The very next day, I stopped at a friends house and she was on her way to pick-up her kid from school, so I decided to do a ride-along. As I amble my ass into the leather SUV, complete with seat warmers, I felt my anti-SUV feelings start to dissipate......maybe they aren't so bad. That lasted all of about 30 seconds because when we arrived at school and came to a screeching halt right in front of a "no idling" sign, my friend popped out and left me sitting, in the idling SUV. In the two minutes that it took her to come back out, I received scathing looks from at least 5 other parents.....how dare we idle in front of the school - in an SUV?!!?

So see, it's not just the mini-van I'm afraid of.......it's the SUV as well. My little '96 Camry may not be the cutest girl on the block and she might need a new windshield wiper and some hubcaps, but she gets the job done AND I don't get the scary stares.