Big Love

Last night, a friend came over. This is the same friend that had the bad break-up a little over a year ago, and took off to meet her perfect Internet love match; remember the used car salesman? Ah, yes.

So, she showed up with a bottle of wine last night, and we sat at the kitchen bar talking a bit. She told me a story that solidifies her place in the land of "Embracing Dysfunction, USA."

See, she happens to be quite good friends with her 1st ex-husband - a feat I haven't quite been able to conquer as of yet. She also happens to be quite good friends with her 1st ex-husband's 2nd ex-wife. In fact, they're so friendly that the 2nd ex-wife bought her a dog. And my friend, the 1st ex-wife, cooked dinner for the 2nd ex-wife and her kids the other night.

It sounds like a bad reality sitcom where the two ex-wives suddenly develop the lesbian love affair, doesn't it?

Anyway, while the relationship is definitely dysfunctional, it certainly works. In the words of my friend (ex-wife 1) "It's completely hilarious."

So she tells me that her 1st ex-husband is dating again. And, while his new girlfriend is Caucasian, her name would indicate that she might be African-American**. Let's, for the sake of argument, give her a name: Aieshya.

And she says "OK, ex-husband is out buying condoms the other night, for his date with the new girlfriend. Apparently, the girlfriends BFF walks in to the pharmacy and the ex-husband tosses the condoms and runs out of the store; I'm not sure why.......so, who goes to pick-up the condoms for the big date? Ex-wife number 2."

Dear reader, I'm hoping at this point, that you are recognizing this as a complete train wreck. Unfortunately, the story doesn't stop there.

"So, as we're all sitting down to dinner the other night, ex-husband 1 shows up. As he stands at the head of the table, he passively mentions that he feels like he's living in Utah, or maybe he's on that show, "Big Love," except he's not having sexual relations with either of us; only the new girlfriend that ex-wife 2 is buying condoms for."

"We're both giving him a hard time about his new girlfriend's name, "Is it Shequanda? Or was it Chinequa?" H (the 15-yr-old-son of ex-wife 1) pipes up and says, "So dad, when you're bangin' Oprah......"

Because I was a glass-and-a-half into the bottle of red, I found this completely hysterical. And it really is. But reflecting on it over my cup of Green Mountain this morning, I'm wondering if maybe I should re-evaluate some of my friendships.

**Please note: I've tried to write this as PC as possible, without offending any particular race. However, the story is just not as damn funny without the mention of such details.