My Kid Loves Kmart

A while ago, over at Saving with Style, I talked about how Kmart was decidedly, very uncool when I was a kid. Now, my own child, can't wait to go shopping there for school clothes. Here's a recent conversation that happened in the car between her and a friend.

Friend: I'm going back to school shopping with my aunt. She's really rich and I can buy anything I want.

Syd: Yeah, I'm going to a bunch of stores too. Oh my gosh! And guess what?!? I get to go to.....Kmart (with an audible sigh and a wistful look out the window).......

I don't even know how she discovered Kmart. Oh, wait, yes I do. On television. Their new advertising campaign is right up her alley. For me, the silver lining in this strangeness is that, we'll go to L/A (um, yeah, that's local lingo for Lewiston-Auburn....a place almost as cool as Sanford) and I'll hit up Steve and Barry's for a little sample of Bitten.

Now that, my friends, I can barely wait for.

More Things I Love About Summer in Maine

• Morbidly obese individuals who find it acceptable to wear teeny-weeny-polka-dot-bikinis.
• Tourists that drive the wrong way on one-way streets.
• People at the beach that find it acceptable to let their kids run around in soggy, shitty diapers.
• Places like Funtown. This is where all the morbidly obese people hang out, in their teeny-weeny-polka-dot-bikinis, letting their kids run around in soggy, shitty diapers.

Ah......summer in Maine.......

What I Love About Summer in Maine

While it would make sense for me to say something like, "the lobster," or "longer days," that's of course not what I'm going to say.  I love the tourists.  For a long time, I totally hated them. They do stupid things like walk out in front of your car or stop right in front of you on the sidewalk to proudly open their city map to figure out where the hell they're going.

But now, it has become a perverse form of entertainment for me.

I've noticed that they all think that, because LL Bean is nearby, we all love LL Bean, and want to dress in LL Bean every single day.  And they talk about it like, "Oh, you know, I like to dress comfortable like all you folks do, in that LL Bean stuff."  I don't even bother mentioning that it's only been a recent occurrence that LL Bean started carrying some cute stuff. And that is still primarily in the sensible shoe category.

I've enjoy that, since they think we all dress in flannel and khaki most days, they go out of their way to wear as much designer gear as they can.  They have no shame mixing designers, and they proudly don their D & G sunglasses and their Prada wedges with short-shorts; even if their varicose veins and cellulite are standing in clear view. They are overly tan and complain loudly about how hot it is, "I might just melt right here."  

The Maine sun must be much warmer than the tanning beds in their home states.

Finally, I love that they have no problem asking questions when they wander the Old Port.  "Do you know a good place to eat?  How's the seafood here?  How do the people that live on the islands get over here?"  

Like, do you not see the gazillion restaurants lining the streets?  Did you miss that the ocean is right there and there are lobster boats coming in? How do you think the seafood is?  I'd say it's fresh.  Those folks on the island? They don't come over here.  Why? Take a guess.

Conversations Overheard

Recently, my life has taken me all over the place it seems. In my recent travels, I have seen and heard things that I feel must be shared. Why? Because I have nothing better to do.

Seen:

• a very large man wearing a "brew crew" tshirt, taking a piss while smoking a cigarette next to a kerosene pump at the ghetto gas station.
• a naked man running through a hotel.
• two people having sex on the floor of the fitness center of the same hotel.

Overheard:

• "Can I sit with you? No. Why not? Because you're fucking homeless and you smell bad," at an Old Port Dunkin' Donuts.
• "It's an issue mom because he's the baby's father and he's going to get deported," over lunch at Gritty's.
• "Just don't change your routine; the only way marriage works is if you just keep doing what you've always done. Never ask him, and he'll never say no," bridesmaids giving advice to a future bride.

Lame, isn't it? I've been non-bloggy for a week, and this is all I've got. Oh, wait, I've also got the shameless plug for all the work I've been doing at About and Upromise......

I'll try to pull together a little funny for the coming week.....I promise.

Sanford Strikes Again

OK, the irony of this post will hopefully not be lost on anyone. In fact, I really don't need to say anything; just click here and read the story. If you want a better look, watch the video.

Oh, and a quick shout out to KLJ....email me chickie, or call me.....let's knit!! I think my emails are not making it to you.....

I'm Getting Sappy

For any of you that read this regularly, this is going to catch you by surprise. I'm going to get a little sappy here.

One of the things that I truly love about working from home is the ability to respond to noon-time phone calls that go a little something like this:

"Mom! Can you come to my show at noon?"
"It's noon right now."
"Well, it starts at 12:30."
"Ok, I'll be right there."
"Thanks mom, I love you!"

And then you get to go to camp, be dragged around while the kid tells all her friends that her mom was able to make it to the noon-time show, revel in the fact that all the kids say, "wow, that's your mom? She looks so young!" (Thank God for anti-aging products!) And then you get to watch the show.

And I love that when the performance is over, you have to breath deep because your heart is in your throat and the tears are just about to come; you realize that your child is really happy, really having fun, and growing up way too fast.

Then you slip on the face-blockers, climb in the station wagon, and go back to work again.

I'm Gonna Warn You Now.....

This post will be primarily nonsense. Not nonsense like bullshit, but nonsense like, not making any sense.

Some of you might wonder where I've been; other's of you are probably glad I haven't written. Either way, I've just been hella busy, so if you count on me to bring a little sunshine to your life, I apologize for my absence.

If you only read this blog because I'm like a train wreck and you just can't look away, I'll apologize for coming back.

So, what have I been up to? Well, I finally got my website up and running - thank God. I wrote a whole bunch of stuff for Upromise, including a post about affordable fashion at Kmart (yes, really), the line of clothing that mark. offers, and the decided addiction that women have when it comes to shoes.

I've also been over at About, pulling together some new content, and recognizing that I really need to spend about three days doing nothing but writing about baby clothes.

The Stacie-hater from Sanford posted a comment again, on my last post, and then an old high school classmate came to my defense; thanks for having my back Jami. Jami, like my friend Rachel, is truly far too nice, and clean-mouthed, to actually be friends with me; sometimes I think it might be a pity things with these Michigan girls....lol......I will say though, she had some things to say to that chick from Sanford.

Oh, and just so no one feels left out, here's proof that I make fun of everyone, including myself.