No-Neck Mows the Lawn

So it's official; No-Neck has become a man.

Today was "learn to mow the lawn" day over at Leaf Blower and Mullet Mom's.  There's nothing better than looking out the window over a sandwich to see a sweaty and shirtless Leaf Blower teaching the kid how to mow the lawn.  And believe you me, it was a sight.

Because Leaf Blower is a communist when it comes to his lawn (um, and basically everything else), you might imagine that the lines must be perfectly straight.  So, as No-Neck finished each row and turned the mower around, fat, sweaty, SHIRTLESS (and hairy) Leaf Blower would rush over, bending sideways to see if the line was, indeed, straight.  He'd put his hand out, close one eye, and squint just to make sure.

Seriously.  Their kid is 10.  My someday spouse is 32 and he doesn't even mow the lawn in straight lines.  Christ.

Of course, in some small way, this is probably just punishment for their kid who was recently seen riding his bike through the neighborhood with his mother, screaming at her that she was stupid the entire time; like, really screaming.  So loudly, that my friend actually called me about it to tell me.  

I know, we're pathetic.

In other news, I've been a busy chicky, which is why I haven't been around the blogosphere lately. I had a quick turn copyedit assignment that I cranked out over the weekend, spending the one sunny day we've had in 2 months cooped up in my office.  Other than that, nothing all that exciting going on.  The last few weeks of the summer will be, hopefully, uneventful. 

Holding A Grudge

I'm pretty good at holding a grudge.  In fact, in some cases, I have a chip on my shoulder the size of the polar ice cap.....and I'm not melting nearly as quick.

But, over time, I tend to let these things go.  Especially when I either haven't seen the person in a long time, or, I was not directly involved in a situation and I've just been carrying one of those "friend-grudges."  You know, the kind you hold on to when a friend has been wronged and you're just doing your duty by being pissy at the person that screwed them over?

Come to think of it, there are only two people that I'm seriously grudging against right now. One is my ex-husband.  I'd name him, but that might be too obvious, so I'll just link to his MySpace page, and a really funny interview where he proclaims what a wonderful volunteer he is and how he cares so much about the community.  If you want to hold a "friend-grudge" for me, that would be cool.  Oh, what are we grudging about? Um, let's start with the $10K + that he owes me for child support.  

The second person is Leaf Blower, who finds it perfectly acceptable to mow the neighbor lady's lawn at 7:30 on a Thursday morning when it's summer vacation.  WTF?  Especially when he sat home the rest of the day, hanging out with No Neck and Tranny Nanny.

But, I just digressed on one of those grudge rants, so let me get back to my original story. The other day, my brother and his wife ran in to an old classmate of mine that happens to be friendly with my high-school boyfriend, who clearly hates me, as referenced here.  When my brother began talking to her, she began making a clear reference to a move to NY that he made + the fact that I was generally a total asshole for screwing him over.  

Wow.  The funny thing is, that was five years ago.  And, while I can certainly understand him holding a grudge, I can't understand her doing it because A) I haven't spoken to her since high school, and B) she was never even involved in the situation, and therefore does not know the intimate details.  But, whatev.  I mean, is it okay to hold a "friend-grudge" for 5 years?  Is that strange to anyone else but me??

I'm Gonna Warn You Now.....

This post will be primarily nonsense. Not nonsense like bullshit, but nonsense like, not making any sense.

Some of you might wonder where I've been; other's of you are probably glad I haven't written. Either way, I've just been hella busy, so if you count on me to bring a little sunshine to your life, I apologize for my absence.

If you only read this blog because I'm like a train wreck and you just can't look away, I'll apologize for coming back.

So, what have I been up to? Well, I finally got my website up and running - thank God. I wrote a whole bunch of stuff for Upromise, including a post about affordable fashion at Kmart (yes, really), the line of clothing that mark. offers, and the decided addiction that women have when it comes to shoes.

I've also been over at About, pulling together some new content, and recognizing that I really need to spend about three days doing nothing but writing about baby clothes.

The Stacie-hater from Sanford posted a comment again, on my last post, and then an old high school classmate came to my defense; thanks for having my back Jami. Jami, like my friend Rachel, is truly far too nice, and clean-mouthed, to actually be friends with me; sometimes I think it might be a pity things with these Michigan girls....lol......I will say though, she had some things to say to that chick from Sanford.

Oh, and just so no one feels left out, here's proof that I make fun of everyone, including myself.

Starting Summer Off With A Bang

Well, I just looked at the calendar and realized that it's the first day of summer today. And it's raining and 60 degrees here; huh.

On a happier note, I'm headed out for a girls' night, which likely spells not only trouble, but a great story tomorrow.

The last time I was out with this same group, we managed to get kicked out of a bar that I think probably never kicks anyone out. It was quite an accomplishment.

And the reason? Because my very verbal friend got in a sailor-swearing contest with a woman I believe to be the owner's wife. It's been nearly 3 years since I've tried to get back in there, so if we make a stop at ForePlay, it could get ugly.

That same night, I remember walking what seemed like 10 miles with my friend Sarah who was up from Kittery, just so we could get back to the West End and crash; mind you, the West End is about 10 blocks from the Old Port, but it seemed like a really long way considering my state of mind. And it wouldn't have been so bad, but I was wearing my lovely Gucci boots that look pretty from afar, but when they're on your foot, it's a total effing nightmare.

But we're starting the night at Norm's for dinner at 6:30, a very reasonable hour for old hags like myself. Although the girls' want to make a banger of a night out of it, we know how bad things can get when I put a few drinks in me. Not to mention the fact that 9 o'clock seems to be my bedtime lately.

So, I'll report in tomorrow with all the details. I'm *forgetting* my camera, so there is no actual evidence of anything that goes on......

Oh, and speaking of ridiculous shoes (here my ADD is clearly kicking in.......) check these out.