Did you know that we actually pay $3000 a year in property taxes so I can sit in my kitchen and watch Leaf Blower and No Neck sit shirtless in their driveway drinking lemonade and eating BBQ potato chips?
I didn’t realize that was why our taxes were so high either, until Sunday. Apparently, when the assessor takes a look at your property, they eyeball the neighbors and say, “Yeah, let’s tack on another $500 for the loose dogs that run around the neighborhood, and that Mullet next door is worth at least a grand.”
If they can get their minivan up on cinder blocks and put a NASCAR flag out front before the next assessment, we might even get jacked up to $3500. Then I'd actually feel a little more at home; it would be like having my brother right next door! (Sorry Shawn, I couldn't resist.)
Had I known then what I know now, I’m not sure that I would have been so eager to purchase this very fine house.
But, truthfully, I’ve never had much luck with neighbors – which makes me question whether I attract crazy people, or if I am just attracted to them. Although, the alternative would have been to stay in the apartment building that is now a meth-lab with a landlord that was arrested for kidnapping a prostitute and then assaulting her boyfriend with a handgun; true Story.
And if I remember right, there was also a restraining order taken out against him by a woman that he claimed was his fiancé who had been kidnapped by a motorcycle gang. I’m pretty sure that he broke in to her home also, so there may have been a charge of B&E on that police complaint, along with the stalking charge.
The neighbors before that were a drunk couple with a special needs child. I remember the police coming on more than one occasion; the final time because the guy was running up and down the street, shirtless, waving a sword. Where to you even get a sword?
At any rate, my neighbors have always been nut bags.; I <3>
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