I am not allowed to drive the truck that sits in our driveway - that's his truck. Just because of some little dent I put in his old truck, he claims that I am far too reckless and irresponsible to drive the new truck. Apparently it doesn't matter that my name is on the loan.
Why is this important? Read on.
I drive a 1998 VW Wagon. And I love my car, don't get me wrong. But indeed, it is possessed by electrical demons, just like all other VW's out there. My sunroof opens for no reason, you actually have to turn the radio UP, to get the volume to go down....you know, just little electrical demons. And primarily, I am the only one that drives it, so it doesn't really matter because I'm used to such things and I handle them accordingly. For example, when it's raining out, I don't roll anything down or open anything up, just in case it decides to not cooperate later on.
A few days ago, the boy asked if he could drive my car. Initially I told him "no," because he always smokes in my car, and then lies about it. It doesn't matter that I find ashes along the window, or that the car smells like smoke, he really doesn't smoke in it. Whatever.
I finally relented because I was too lazy to go out in the pouring rain to move my car so he could get out. I told him not to smoke in the car or I would do something equally evil to his truck.
A few hours later I hear him come in, swearing to high heaven. I am in my office and completely ignore him because that's what I do best. Then I hear him get on the phone and the words, "well, when could you repair it?" come out of his mouth.
As I look out the window, I see a towel draped over the driver's window.
Me: What the hell happened to my car?
Him: Um, the window broke.
Me: How?
Him: Well, I had the window down a little bit and then it got stuck and when I tried to pull it up it shattered.
Me: It's raining. Why was the window down?
Of course, no response.
Me: Were you smoking in the car?
Him: No. Of course not.
Me: Then why was the window down?
Him: Shh! I'm on the phone.
When he finally finds a place to replace the window, he leaves again and I don't offer to follow him and bring him home. After all, I'm not allowed to drive the truck and I'm certainly not driving my car in the pouring rain without a window. When he comes home, he's even more angry.
Me: What now?
Him: The driver's door is stuck shut.
Me: How the eff does this shit happen to you?
Him: Well, when they replaced the window, they messed something up with the power locks and now the door is locked shut.
So, again, I tell him this is his to deal with. He calls the mechanic he likes and schedules an appointment - 3 days later. For 3 days, I am forced to climb over the stick shift and the emergency break to get in and out of my car. Finally, yesterday, the car went in to get fixed.
When he drops me off to pick it up, I open the drivers door - so far so good. It's freezing and all the windows are rolled down, so I push the button on my door to roll them all up. Nothing happens.
Me: Excuse me, do my windows not work?
The Mechanic: Um, well, not from the driver's door they don't. But each person can roll their window up or down on their own door.
Huh. Ok, so then I notice that, although I'm sitting in the car and three doors are unlocked, the driver's door lock is down. I push the button to unlock it, nothing happens.
Me: Excuse me, does my door lock not work?
The Mechanic: Ah, geez, well, yeah. It's definitely not locking. But all the other doors lock.
Me: OK, but what good does that do me if one door doesn't lock at all?
The Mechanic: Well the good thing is that, since it's stuck down, it looks locked, so chances are, no one is going to try to open it.
WTF?!?
After driving home, I came in the house, took his keys, and left with the kid. Then we went to McDonald's and got french fries and chocolate milk shakes. I told her to sit in the back seat of the truck and to make sure she got plenty of food stuck in the crevices. I pushed all the buttons and gadgets to make sure his seat position was all messed up and I deleted all of his radio stations.
Petty? Sure. Is he pissed at me? You bet. And just like a good woman, I reminded him that, if he hadn't smoked in the car in the first place, this entire chain of events would not have occurred.
I'm pretty sure he's mentally willing me to step in front of a bus.
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