I think the neighbor has decided that he's just going to spend the summer gainfully UNemployed while his wife works two jobs. If I were her, I'd probably kick his ass, but since she spends most of her time in tube socks pulled up to her belly button, her ninja skills might not be as excellent as mine.
Needless to say, with all his spare time, Leaf Blower has spent a lots of days shirtless in his cut-off denims, puttering with his car. Just the other day he was out there repeatedly revving his engine while taking a break from waxing. I really wanted to yell out the window, "Just beat your chest, scratch your balls, and get over it already!"
But the boy wouldn't allow that. See, he's kind of a peace-keeper, one of those "don't piss off the neighbors" kind of people. It's really too bad because I could be having a lot of fun if he'd just let me.
Other than that, things have been relatively quiet around here. Several trips to the back doctor to fix my squished/stuck disks, lots of writing for About, preliminary writing for Upromise, which should be posted in the next two weeks, updates at Fashion-Fox, and the final 25,000 words for my publisher.
Next up? A book about "book marketing in the Web 2.0 world...." Sounds like a real page turner, doesn't it?
Friday, May 23, 2008
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
One Hell of a Party
Just now, two and a half days later, I'm finally able to talk about the rest of the kids' 9th birthday party.
After the police incident, the girls were relatively well behaved. There was no jumping on beds, no screaming, and only slight bouts of screeching. There was lots of loud giggling though.
I did manage to make it through the rest of the nite without ordering a pitcher of anything from room service too.....there were moments when I almost picked up the phone, but I resisted the temptation for fear the girls would go home and tell their parents I spent the whole nite boozing. It would really tarnish the halo I've got going.
The rest of Saturday evening was filled with lots of swimming, gift opening, pizza, the Nancy Drew Movie, and endless hours of Truth-or-Dare and Bloody-Mary. I dozed off on the not-so-comfortable pull-out couch (without a pillow mind you) around 11:30 and at 1:30 I was woken by the giggling girls. Despite my best efforts, Mommy Dearest reared her ugly head.
They finally settled in and at least were quiet, but God only knows when they actually fell asleep. Let me not forget to mention that we had 8 people in a room that was supposed to sleep 6, so that might have had something to do with the giggles......and it's also why I got jipped out of a pillow.
Then, at 7:30 Sunday morning, the most horrifying and piercing noise came from the girls room; it was the smoke detector. My initial thought was that one of them was playing with fire and then I heard it: the fire alarms "Wwwaaaaaa, Wwwaaaaa" out in the hall.
Holy Shit. The hotel was on fire. Holy Shit. I've got to get 7 girls down to the street from the 6th floor without any of them dying from smoke inhalation.
Oh my God. The firemen that work on the weekend are young and cute and I'm wearing my really ugly pajamas.
Anyway, I did manage to get them all downstairs, and thankfully the fire was not major. Only a small one in the lobby bathroom - seems like someone was trying to smoke inside. Tsk, tsk. So as we stand there, with hair standing on end, the girls are yelling and waving to the firemen as they start pulling out of the driveway. I, of course, am horrified.
On the way back to the room, the girls talked about how this was the coolest birthday party ever and they couldn't wait to write about it in their journals at school on Monday. I was trying to remember if I'd packed clean underwear.
After the police incident, the girls were relatively well behaved. There was no jumping on beds, no screaming, and only slight bouts of screeching. There was lots of loud giggling though.
I did manage to make it through the rest of the nite without ordering a pitcher of anything from room service too.....there were moments when I almost picked up the phone, but I resisted the temptation for fear the girls would go home and tell their parents I spent the whole nite boozing. It would really tarnish the halo I've got going.
The rest of Saturday evening was filled with lots of swimming, gift opening, pizza, the Nancy Drew Movie, and endless hours of Truth-or-Dare and Bloody-Mary. I dozed off on the not-so-comfortable pull-out couch (without a pillow mind you) around 11:30 and at 1:30 I was woken by the giggling girls. Despite my best efforts, Mommy Dearest reared her ugly head.
They finally settled in and at least were quiet, but God only knows when they actually fell asleep. Let me not forget to mention that we had 8 people in a room that was supposed to sleep 6, so that might have had something to do with the giggles......and it's also why I got jipped out of a pillow.
Then, at 7:30 Sunday morning, the most horrifying and piercing noise came from the girls room; it was the smoke detector. My initial thought was that one of them was playing with fire and then I heard it: the fire alarms "Wwwaaaaaa, Wwwaaaaa" out in the hall.
Holy Shit. The hotel was on fire. Holy Shit. I've got to get 7 girls down to the street from the 6th floor without any of them dying from smoke inhalation.
Oh my God. The firemen that work on the weekend are young and cute and I'm wearing my really ugly pajamas.
Anyway, I did manage to get them all downstairs, and thankfully the fire was not major. Only a small one in the lobby bathroom - seems like someone was trying to smoke inside. Tsk, tsk. So as we stand there, with hair standing on end, the girls are yelling and waving to the firemen as they start pulling out of the driveway. I, of course, am horrified.
On the way back to the room, the girls talked about how this was the coolest birthday party ever and they couldn't wait to write about it in their journals at school on Monday. I was trying to remember if I'd packed clean underwear.
Saturday, May 17, 2008
The Sleep-Over Birthday Party :: The First Hours
We've been the official guests in Room 605 at the Embassy Suites for a little over 2 hours now; and already, the police have been here.
Not for us, but the seven screaming girls don't know that.
We started in the pool, where they screamed, and swam, and jumped, and screamed some more. In fact, I noticed that shortly after we arrived pool-side, ever single adult in the hot tub cleared out - stat.
Then we decided to "get a snack" at the manager's reception. That really equated to two pitchers of Shirley Temples, and 2 glasses of Pinot for me. Some chips, some nuts, and lots of glares from old ladies that find young girls in tie-dyed pajama pants repulsive. What made it even better was that the girls were obnoxiously over-polite and the old women weren't sure how to handle it.
Back to the room to open gifts, which the kids' friends were "begging" her to open. Shortly after, the demand for pizza was high and I attempted to order some, but the phones weren't working. That's where the police came in.
When I headed to the lobby to let the front desk know of the problem, the police walked in right behind me. Apparently, there was a 911 call from a vacant room here (a little spooky) and the police responded to that. Not one to miss a golden opportunity, I immediately bolted for the elevator, ran straight down the hall, and made all the girls go to the window.
"Do you see that police car? They're here because someone called and complained that we were being too loud. I talked to them, and they're leaving, but the next time they have to come back, we have to leave."
There's nothing quite like the fear of God to keep seven 9-year-old girls quiet.
Not for us, but the seven screaming girls don't know that.
We started in the pool, where they screamed, and swam, and jumped, and screamed some more. In fact, I noticed that shortly after we arrived pool-side, ever single adult in the hot tub cleared out - stat.
Then we decided to "get a snack" at the manager's reception. That really equated to two pitchers of Shirley Temples, and 2 glasses of Pinot for me. Some chips, some nuts, and lots of glares from old ladies that find young girls in tie-dyed pajama pants repulsive. What made it even better was that the girls were obnoxiously over-polite and the old women weren't sure how to handle it.
Back to the room to open gifts, which the kids' friends were "begging" her to open. Shortly after, the demand for pizza was high and I attempted to order some, but the phones weren't working. That's where the police came in.
When I headed to the lobby to let the front desk know of the problem, the police walked in right behind me. Apparently, there was a 911 call from a vacant room here (a little spooky) and the police responded to that. Not one to miss a golden opportunity, I immediately bolted for the elevator, ran straight down the hall, and made all the girls go to the window.
"Do you see that police car? They're here because someone called and complained that we were being too loud. I talked to them, and they're leaving, but the next time they have to come back, we have to leave."
There's nothing quite like the fear of God to keep seven 9-year-old girls quiet.
Thursday, May 15, 2008
Cakes and Pies.....and Cookies Too!
Ok, so there's not actually any pies involved at this point, but it could be coming.....
And I'm sorry that I haven't been around; the sad part is, I've spent much of my time lately as a recluse, and therefore, nothing all that exciting has happened. In fact, we've all been in pretty pissy moods around here.
The boy finally read the blog and realized that I was making fun of him here, and here, and he's been whiney since; at one point saying, "stop making me look like an asshole to all these people that read this stupid thing that don't even know me."
I tried to explain that it wasn't just him I made fun of.....I also make the neighbors look like assholes, his parents look like assholes, and random strangers I don't even know look like assholes when people read this thing. That didn't help.
Anyway, I digress. On to the cakes and cookies.
The kids' birthday is on Saturday - the big 0-9!! Wow! Where has the time gone? So, like any good mom does, I told her I'd bake her cookies to take to school tomorrow. We decided on these.
My mission today was simple: go to JoAnn's and get cookie sticks, sprinkles and some sort of "make the frosting pretty" contraption. My experience at JoAnn's, as usual, left something to be desired. However, instead of the annoying girl and Estelle Costanza, I had the really chic (and thin and tan) woman with her baby in the cart. "oooh, do you see what that says arie? It says light of my life.....who's my wittle wite of my wife??? Is that you arie? Are you my wittle wite of my wife???"
The poor child, who had a bow in her hair that was as big as her head just looked at her mother, screamed, and threw some soft of scrap booking supply at her face. Yet the mother was undeterred. I'm still not sure though if I was more disturbed by the way the mother talked to her kid, or the bow she had in her hair.
Anyway, back to the cookies. So, in theory, the umbrellas look easy and cute. And one mom even hopped on and reviewed them and said they were great, so I figured, why not? Clearly, they paid that mom because she lied. Those scallops are a bitch. A real mom's take? Don't waste your c
ookie dough.
So then we switched to daisy-shaped cookies on a stick. I had a cookie cutter, so I thought this would be a relatively easy alternative. They came out looking pretty damn yummy.
The problem? They didn't fit in the cute little bags with the twisty ties that I had bought. So we made them smaller, and then had a problem with the frosting smearing on the bags; admittedly, I should have seen that coming.
So nearly four hours later, the kid has cookies, all wrapped in cute bags with twisty ties that are daisy's, minus frosting, plus colored sugar - I thought it was a fair trade. Tomorrow, I have to tackle her cake.
Wanna hedge bets I'll be drinking by noon?
And I'm sorry that I haven't been around; the sad part is, I've spent much of my time lately as a recluse, and therefore, nothing all that exciting has happened. In fact, we've all been in pretty pissy moods around here.
The boy finally read the blog and realized that I was making fun of him here, and here, and he's been whiney since; at one point saying, "stop making me look like an asshole to all these people that read this stupid thing that don't even know me."
I tried to explain that it wasn't just him I made fun of.....I also make the neighbors look like assholes, his parents look like assholes, and random strangers I don't even know look like assholes when people read this thing. That didn't help.
Anyway, I digress. On to the cakes and cookies.
The kids' birthday is on Saturday - the big 0-9!! Wow! Where has the time gone? So, like any good mom does, I told her I'd bake her cookies to take to school tomorrow. We decided on these.
My mission today was simple: go to JoAnn's and get cookie sticks, sprinkles and some sort of "make the frosting pretty" contraption. My experience at JoAnn's, as usual, left something to be desired. However, instead of the annoying girl and Estelle Costanza, I had the really chic (and thin and tan) woman with her baby in the cart. "oooh, do you see what that says arie? It says light of my life.....who's my wittle wite of my wife??? Is that you arie? Are you my wittle wite of my wife???"
The poor child, who had a bow in her hair that was as big as her head just looked at her mother, screamed, and threw some soft of scrap booking supply at her face. Yet the mother was undeterred. I'm still not sure though if I was more disturbed by the way the mother talked to her kid, or the bow she had in her hair.
Anyway, back to the cookies. So, in theory, the umbrellas look easy and cute. And one mom even hopped on and reviewed them and said they were great, so I figured, why not? Clearly, they paid that mom because she lied. Those scallops are a bitch. A real mom's take? Don't waste your c
ookie dough.So then we switched to daisy-shaped cookies on a stick. I had a cookie cutter, so I thought this would be a relatively easy alternative. They came out looking pretty damn yummy.
The problem? They didn't fit in the cute little bags with the twisty ties that I had bought. So we made them smaller, and then had a problem with the frosting smearing on the bags; admittedly, I should have seen that coming.
So nearly four hours later, the kid has cookies, all wrapped in cute bags with twisty ties that are daisy's, minus frosting, plus colored sugar - I thought it was a fair trade. Tomorrow, I have to tackle her cake.
Wanna hedge bets I'll be drinking by noon?
Friday, May 09, 2008
The Return of The Boy Bands
I've spent the majority of my week, laying on the couch, alternating ice packs and heating pads, with a remote and my laptop. Attempting to work on work, but working the trashy t.v. a hell of a lot harder.
So, what's newsworthy from my couch? Not a whole lot. But I did hear an interesting concert announcement today: The Backstreet Boys are coming to New Hampshire.
Now, my initial reaction was to actually laugh out loud, like, "Ha, Ha." Because of course, that Backstreet Boys coming to town is a joke. But no, indeed, it's not. Like, didn't the Backstreet Boys go out of style when I was in high school? No, wait, that was the New Kids On the Block. The Backstreet Boys were never even popular.
But here they sit, looking quite 2008. Strangely, I want to go to the concert, just to see who shows up.
So, what's newsworthy from my couch? Not a whole lot. But I did hear an interesting concert announcement today: The Backstreet Boys are coming to New Hampshire.
Now, my initial reaction was to actually laugh out loud, like, "Ha, Ha." Because of course, that Backstreet Boys coming to town is a joke. But no, indeed, it's not. Like, didn't the Backstreet Boys go out of style when I was in high school? No, wait, that was the New Kids On the Block. The Backstreet Boys were never even popular.
But here they sit, looking quite 2008. Strangely, I want to go to the concert, just to see who shows up.Ok, I was going to end the post right there, but I decided to go to YouTube to link back to a New Kids on the Block video from back in the day, just for old times sake. Image my WTF face when I discovered this:
Seriously, what the hell is going on? Is this the mid-life crisis of the washed-up boy bands? What's next? Nick Lachey and 98 Degrees? Christ.
Seriously, what the hell is going on? Is this the mid-life crisis of the washed-up boy bands? What's next? Nick Lachey and 98 Degrees? Christ.
Monday, May 05, 2008
It's a Pain in My Back
You can tell that you're getting old when sitting on a concrete floor for an hour is enough to cripple you.
And that's exactly what it did.
You see, on Thursday's, I volunteer my time to teach a knitting class at the kids' school. And this past Thursday, I spent an hour, on a concrete floor, on my knees twisting back and forth. When I tried to stand up, I went down, hard.
So my weekend was essentially a "pain in my back" and my ass if you want to get technical....and my entire right leg all the way down to my ankle. So today is a trip to the chiropractor, who suspect I may have some form of bulging disk. I don't even know what that means, but guessing by his tone of voice on the phone, it's not a pleasant thing.
Alrighty, I'm off. To try and take a shower, which at this rate, should take me roughly an hour or so.......have a great Monday!
And that's exactly what it did.
You see, on Thursday's, I volunteer my time to teach a knitting class at the kids' school. And this past Thursday, I spent an hour, on a concrete floor, on my knees twisting back and forth. When I tried to stand up, I went down, hard.
So my weekend was essentially a "pain in my back" and my ass if you want to get technical....and my entire right leg all the way down to my ankle. So today is a trip to the chiropractor, who suspect I may have some form of bulging disk. I don't even know what that means, but guessing by his tone of voice on the phone, it's not a pleasant thing.
Alrighty, I'm off. To try and take a shower, which at this rate, should take me roughly an hour or so.......have a great Monday!
Thursday, May 01, 2008
I've Been a Little Weepy Lately
Which is why I haven't written in a while.
Recently, I've found out that 5 - count 'em - FIVE people that are in my immediate circle of family and friends, are pregnant. F.I.V.E.
Like, are they drinking special water or something? And if so, I'm pretty sure it's the same damn water that's running through these faucets and I've got nothing in utero. Zip. Zilch. Zero. Nada.
Which makes me weepy. Which is why I haven't been writing.
And it's really such a bummer, because I got great news in the midst of it all - I got the gig with Upromise.com. So, so excited. But then I got the phone call that the 5th person was preggo, and my big fat happy balloon deflated pretty fucking quickly.
Owell, there's always next month, right?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)