Pretentious People Suck

So, after having coffee with my friend Carrie this a.m., the kid, the boy, and I decided to go to The Good Table in Cape for a little celebratory breakfast. All was well until the table next to us was occupied by a much older couple, who were incredibly pretentious and managed to treat their high-school aged waitress like complete shit.

When she first approached them and asked if she could get them some breakfast, the man snapped at her, "Can we get a drink first?"

The poor girl tripped all over herself to apologize (this is probably her first waitressing job) and patiently took their drink order while the man told her what brand vodka to use in the Bloody Mary he ordered for his companion. "The lady will have a Bloody Mary with Zyr vodka - do you even have that here?" I wanted to look over at him and say, "Um, here's the deal buck-o. The kid probably turned 15 a week ago, and even though high school drinking is a big thing nowadays, I'm pretty sure she doesn't know the difference between Zyr and fucking Popov."

But, so as not to sully our good reputation with the owner there, I sat quietly while the rest of the conversation took place.

"What kind of champagne are you using in the Mimosas?" Again, I refer to my above line of thought.

We finished our breakfast while I basically drew blood from biting down on my lip so hard because when a different waitress brought over their drinks, the man jumped on her because he didn't have a napkin, and "goddamit, these glasses are too full!" Hey, at least your getting your money's worth, right?

Things only continued to get better as the kid left the table to go use the bathroom after complaining that her stomach was hurting from all the pancakes she had just eaten. She comes back a few minutes later and sits down, only to have the pretentious woman get up and tell her husband that she's going to go use the restroom. The kid, having mentioned earlier that she thought the people sitting next to us were being really rude, and in general just being my kid, looks at us, waits until the lady leaves, and then says, "Good luck to that lady, 'cause I just took a huge shiza in there and it stinks!" I swear to God, only my kid.