Carnies and Combat Boots

Well, we finally made the trek to the fair last nite - in it's final hours. I was a little miffed that it was almost $20 for the boy and I to get in and then another $20 for tickets to the rides, especially since it was, seriously, the last 3 hours the fair was going to be around. Plus, I'm pretty sure that every ride operator there was either drunk or stoned last nite, which really makes me think it should have been free. As a payoff, I did get some free entertainment, even if we had to pay for the rides. For example, this:

Yes, that would be a woman in cut-off, frayed denim shorts with combat boots. And just to make the scenery more delightful, she also had a Marlboro hanging our of her mouth, which made the entire ensemble all the more attractive. And no, that's not a burly man next to her, that's her "partner" who clearly has just as much regard for appropriate public dressing. For me, the draw of the fair is not the rides, because I get ridiculously motion sick; I can't even watch a train pass without getting out of the car to vomit. For me, it's really the people watching.

The kid of course, had 40 tickets burning a hole in her pocket and was bouncing off the pavement, begging us to go on rides with her. I, of course, refused, given my condition. She did manage to coerce the boy in to hopping on the Cliff Hanger by telling him that she'd go on the Sea Dragon later - she reneged on her agreement only moments later.

Now, I'm not sure if you can fully appreciate the contraption that they are standing in front of, but you actually lay in those green things and you fly around. The kid thought it was a great idea until she actually got strapped in. In the seconds before the guy was going to flip the switch, she started screaming, "Mumma! Mumma! I wanna get off!" So, I told the guy to unhook her and she immediately burst in to tears. I'm not sure what was going on with her, given the fact that she went on this over the summer, all by herself. Anyway, after the jagged sobbing stopped, we settled on this ride - as a family.

Yes my friends, that is a giant tugboat. Picture two adults and a child, crammed in to the back row. Now, remember my motion sickness issue here, because it is a critical element of the night. The boat appears to only rock back and forth, at least to the layman's eye. The boy and the kid however, knew for a fact that once it gets going back and forth, it also spins. No one bothered to tell me. Nice, aren't they? After a lot of swearing at both of them, I headed for the nearest dark corner. Upon pulling myself together, I got bratty and demanded a caramel apple. I took one bite and the kid got the rest.

Overall, we had a lot of fun. The fair is such a dirty and trashy place, but it's a good laugh. The kid burned through her tickets on the bumper cars and a kiddie coaster, not quite satisfied, but at least pacified. At least we ended the night on a sweet note.

Weekend of Nothing

After a hella busy week, I have actually written in my day planner "Do Nothing Except Nap, Knit, and Read Today" on both Saturday and Sunday. Really. I scheduled it.

Anyway, it's Friday a.m. and I'm cozied up in a little carrel at the Portland Public Library.....as an added bonus, it's their annual book sale and I scored a set of Student Encyclopedias for the kid for $10!! Can't beat that. Now our little know-it-all can have a set of reference books to back up her claims of knowing more than we do.

Oh, and just a teeny bit of snarkiness before I go.....this morning when I was walking the dog, I saw a family herding their children in to their minivan to head out for their day. But here's the thing, they didn't have just one minivan, they had two. What is it with people - can't you just drive a car? When do you ever get to a point in your life when a minivan is a good idea? This is the same question I ask my little brother :: "At 27, how do you justify a minivan? Really? And with tinted windows and a NASCAR license plate!?! Come on now......" Thank God he quit smoking or it might have turned in to something like this.

And while we're on the subject of cars, I must confess, I almost got in an accident with our new little girl today; and if I tell the someday spouse, he'll never let me drive it again. So, it goes a little something like this......mind wandered because I was thinking about all the things I needed to get done today + the fact that Wild Oats is going out of business + the fact that Trader Joe's has said they are not coming to Portland, which I am really upset about because it means that I have to keep driving down to Boston to get the goods I long for. Anyway, distracted (obviously) and as I regain focus, I see the backend of a Volvo getting really close, really fast. Now, what is so ironic about this is that 5 years ago, at that very same intersection, in this very same month, I got in to an accident - by rear-ending a Volvo in my Passat. How strange is that? Needless to say, I know that the VW doesn't stand a chance against those tanks. So, please, keep it under wraps. Although our new grocery-getter drives me a little crazy with all its beeps and buttons, I love her dearly and don't want to be banished back to the Camry.

Have a great weekend!!

Ding! Ding! Ding! We Have a Winner!!

Congratulations!! One of my lurkers outed themselves today!! Said lurker already feels singled out, so I won't mention names but since Blogger doesn't allow you to directly respond to comments, I will say "thanks so much" right here. As for you being the last person I would suspect, you're close. There is someone else who I know is here, but refuses to say so, and he is the last person I would have expected. Anyway, find me on MySpace and we can catch up. For everyone else, hello, and yes, I made it back today. I'm not sure how, but I did. And I snapped this photo yesterday.....there is just something so peaceful about a little bit of a rainstorm.

A Quick Aside......

from my earlier post.....again, I've looked at my stats and I see some of the regulars, but also some newbies - for instance, a little reader from HMI.....so, if you're out there, and I don't know you're here, would you at least say "hello?" or "what's going on?" I suspect, especially if you're from there, that maybe I know you and we've just lost touch.....I'd love to catch up. As much as I love Maine, I often miss my friends from back home......

Pretty Please???

Just Breathe.......

It's hard to believe that it's been almost 10 days since I was last here.....and if you typically read for a bit of snarkiness, I would go ahead and click on thru to your next favorite blog now, because this is definitely one of those "Holy shit, I've been so busy and here's what's been going on and why I've been so absent" kind of posts. Someone once told me that the day you choose to work something other than a traditional 9-5 job, is the day you commit to being the busiest you've ever been; she couldn't have been more right. So, without further adieu.......

Friday :: Date Night! Saw the new Dane Cook Movie, which was super-duper funny and Dane was super-duper cute, as always!

Saturday :: Sociology and American History Classes, back-to-back, 8a-5p......2 hours at the grocery store and then, a great big fat par-tay at our house, hosted by my good friend Cathy, for her now 30 boyfriend. Because she is such a fantastic chef, she made yummy food and she did a great job with getting people over to our house. In fine fashion, I drank way too much wine and went to bed way too late.

Sunday :: 13 hour shift with the angst ridden teenage girls at the group home - with a hangover. Not good.

Monday :: 8 hour training on Therapeutic Crisis Intervention - with a "I haven't really slept in 3 days now" hangover - again, not so good.

Tuesday :: Similar to Monday, except after training, we had a swim team try out at 6. The good news is, we have a Polar Bear - the kid was a little worried because she didn't make it last year....she lacked maturity. Imagine that. Home at 9 and a quick dinner of Annie's and veggie nuggets - I'm such a great mom.

Today :: Find out I have a new niece!! Welcome Madison Nicole!! Drop off friends kid at school, drop own kid off at school, go to Deering to firm up date for Spaghetti Supper, stop in to Panera for a much needed latte, headed to a class on "Parents with Addictions" for my work with the foster care program, then off to Gov't class and then off to a meeting at SARSSM to talk about the 3rd Annual Online Auction, which I'm chairing again this year.

Tomorrow :: Drop friends kid off at school, drop own kid off at school, meet about a grant I'm writing for kid's school, Accounting class......possible stop at the fair, unless it's raining.

Friday :: Home, resume, resume, resume, and then, more work with the angst ridden teenagers.

Weekend :: Knitting with my other friend named Kathy (I hope!) and then to the 'rents to recover a bear named Fuzzy that a little girl in our home is missing very, very much.

I don't know if I'll be back before next week, so I'm apologize for the lack of posts, and also, the lack of anything really funny - although all my travels this week have given me much to write about, so next week should more than make up for it. Plus, I hope to have some pictures of that new little chublet my brother and his wife just welcomed....plus maybe even some pictures of my super-cute (and happy!) nephew with his new little sister.

Ciao.....

Happy Monday

I think. Is it Monday? Yes, it's definitely Monday.

How quickly time flies when you're having fun! So, we made it through the wedding this weekend and although it was cold and raining, the ceremony was beautiful. And my friend looked stunning - and I would expect nothing less of her. But it was one of those weird, sort of awkward situations where we haven't really talked much in the last year so I felt a little strange being at the wedding.....if that makes sense.

Sunday meant a drive to see the parents way up north.....I got a super yummy belated birthday cake from my sister, who I swear will be famous for her baking skills one day, and a zucchini from my grandparents that is, no doubt, the size of a small child. I will have to post a picture of it tomorrow. My step-mum told me to put it in the food processor and grate it up for bread, but shredding it seems somehow very, very wrong. You'll see what I mean when I post the picture tomorrow.

Oh, and one last thing before I close. A few days ago, Melissa mentioned this, and after looking at the Duggar's website, I really just can't get this off of my mind. SEVENTEEN Children. S-E-V-E-N-T-E-E-N. How exactly does anyone think that this is alright? And let's not forget to mention that dad's name is Jim Bob and they live in Arkansas. Yep, it's true. They have their own orchestra and their house is the size of a small town. If you get a chance, take a look at the photo gallery, it's great. Oh, and they've been kind enough to publish their daily routine.....maybe we should try J-O-Y at our house.....Jesus first, Others second, Yourself last....I'm sure that'd be big with the kid. And now, while Jim Bob's busy being a spiritual leader and home-schooling teacher to his 17 children, God is going to strike me dead for making fun of them.

A Rainy Saturday Morning

There are few reasons to haul yourself out of bed at 6:30 on a Saturday morning. However, after being poked by the kid numerous times, "Mumma? Mumma? MUMMA!" In that 'I'm trying to whisper but you're obviously ignoring me because I can see your eyelids twitching so now I'm whisper-yellling' volume that she has perfected, I got up and took her and the dog to the beach.

I'm glad I did. It was basically deserted because of the drizzle that was happening, so the dog didn't have many friends to play with, but the kid got to find lots of sea glass.


We've managed to horde quite a collection this summer, and I'm trying to find things to do with it - you know, crafty type stuff. I think maybe tonite I'll spend a little time Flickring to see if I can find any inspiration. Speaking of Flickr, this spring, after that terrible storm, I created an account, and have done very little with it. I think I need to get on that soon. I have lots more pictures from the summer, and our trip to the Museum of Science that I really want to get on there. And, since it's fall and time to craft again, it's time to get the work bench in order and put something in my Etsy shop as well.....

This afternoon we have an outdoor wedding to go to, which should be fun since it's supposed to pour all day, and then I need to get back here and start working on that term paper that is due on Monday. C'mon, say it with me now.......you're a procrastinator!!!

Well, I did get the research done.......

The Internet is a Funny Thing.....

No matter how hard you try to be anonymous, it never really seems to work out that way. For example, in an effort to gauge how many people are actually reading this monstrosity, I installed a little code to track my reader numbers a while back. I mean, if I'm the only person reading it, what's the point in writing it? To my surprise, I'm finding that many of you are just as appalled by my daily life as I am sometimes.

Then, this morning, while I was having coffee, I decided to spend some time figuring out how to use the other features that statcounter offers. Imagine my surprise when I found out that you can see the geographical locations of your readers and what you all are searching for.....turns out I have readers all over the place - and some are quite unexpected I might add.

So, to all of you that are out there lurking, "hello!!" and thanks for stopping by; enjoy your visit and come back often.

Walkin' Down Memory Lane......

Do you ever have those times when something happens and it triggers and old, seemingly random memory? The kid and I were discussing what I did, "when I was a kid" in which she was asking questions like, "have you ever been arrested?" and "did you ever skip school?" I can say that certainly the latter is in my history, but alas, I have never been arrested. Although, there was that one time......but anyway, then we got to talking about stuff like, when she's 15, will I let her go to football games with her friends and stuff. For one, she was freaking me out with all the random grown-up-ness, but on the other hand, it made me want to come home and dig through my old stuff to look at pictures from my high school days......I was so distracted in my thoughts, that I almost passed a stopped school bus!!! Agh!!! And THAT my friends, was what brought the real flashback.

When I was in high school, I had a boyfriend that lived in a different town. Our senior year, I only had classes in the morning so I would go to his house in the afternoon sometimes, before tennis practice. Anyway, I was late one day and was flying to get there on time, because I knew I was in deep doo-doo. I passed a stopped school bus and when the bus driver honked at me, I actually flipped him off. I remember looking in the rear view mirror the entire drive, worried that I was going to get arrested. Given the work that I do now, I cannot believe that I was ever so careless.

So, I basically spent the entire day, thinking about that day, and getting little else done. So much for productivity.

Pretentious People Suck

So, after having coffee with my friend Carrie this a.m., the kid, the boy, and I decided to go to The Good Table in Cape for a little celebratory breakfast. All was well until the table next to us was occupied by a much older couple, who were incredibly pretentious and managed to treat their high-school aged waitress like complete shit.

When she first approached them and asked if she could get them some breakfast, the man snapped at her, "Can we get a drink first?"

The poor girl tripped all over herself to apologize (this is probably her first waitressing job) and patiently took their drink order while the man told her what brand vodka to use in the Bloody Mary he ordered for his companion. "The lady will have a Bloody Mary with Zyr vodka - do you even have that here?" I wanted to look over at him and say, "Um, here's the deal buck-o. The kid probably turned 15 a week ago, and even though high school drinking is a big thing nowadays, I'm pretty sure she doesn't know the difference between Zyr and fucking Popov."

But, so as not to sully our good reputation with the owner there, I sat quietly while the rest of the conversation took place.

"What kind of champagne are you using in the Mimosas?" Again, I refer to my above line of thought.

We finished our breakfast while I basically drew blood from biting down on my lip so hard because when a different waitress brought over their drinks, the man jumped on her because he didn't have a napkin, and "goddamit, these glasses are too full!" Hey, at least your getting your money's worth, right?

Things only continued to get better as the kid left the table to go use the bathroom after complaining that her stomach was hurting from all the pancakes she had just eaten. She comes back a few minutes later and sits down, only to have the pretentious woman get up and tell her husband that she's going to go use the restroom. The kid, having mentioned earlier that she thought the people sitting next to us were being really rude, and in general just being my kid, looks at us, waits until the lady leaves, and then says, "Good luck to that lady, 'cause I just took a huge shiza in there and it stinks!" I swear to God, only my kid.

Reason #363 I Will Never Move Back to Michigan

Need I say more here? Let's not forget :: the town I grew up with had, at one time, a sign at the edge of town that said, and I kid you not, "Welcome to Zeeland :: Where the Chicks Lay Better"

My brother and his wife were kind enough to snap this pic for me when they were out and about. They also reported that, shortly after snapping the photo and hopping back in their mini-van (God Bless 'em for driving that urban assault vehicle) a young couple came out of the gas station. I can only guess that the two were off the farm and out on a date.

I Heart Anthropologie

Remember when you were a kid and it was time to go back to school and you would leaf through the catalogs, dog-earring the pages you wanted outfits from? In my house, it was always the $5 JCPenny catalog. I used to wait all summer for it to show up in my mailbox, just so I could pick out school clothes. Now, I wait just as anxiously for the Anthropologie catalog to show up.

And just since I'm turning the big 3-0 in just two days, I think I might treat myself. Nothing extravagant, although I would certainly love to buy this. Given the fact that we're adhering to a strict budget these days though, I think I might treat myself to this and these instead. Or maybe just this apron, because it's so damn cute.

Have a happy weekend; I know I will!

The First Day of School.

I realize that I am not always the best parent, and often times, I see myself in Melissa's posts - or in the same mindset as the poor stay-at-home dad over at Looky Daddy. But, I was not prepared for what happened today.....Miss Meg posted this sappy little diddy about how fast the kids grow and how we should savor each and every one of these precious little moments....then Jen talked about how she had to distract herself this morning so she didn't wallow too much!

So, before I could even get around to dancing in my underwear this morning, thanking any spiritual being that would listen, that yes, thank you very much, school had started, the kid was out of my hair, and I could enjoy the peace and quiet of my home that I had longed for anxiously over the last 8 weeks, I felt terrible. After reading Meg's post, my potential happy-me party was ruined and I spent the rest of the day feeling like shit about my parenting mindset.

Should I sit and long for my child to be home again, saying the words, "mumma can we....." every three seconds like a little mental terrorist? Or should I run around in my polka dotted boy-shorts with a drink in my hand before noon and celebrate the silence?

I'm baffled.

Men are from Mars

A week or so ago, Meg and I ran in to each other and we were chatting about how, often, it is really just easier to do things yourself. The conversation started out about the kids, but inevitably ended with us discussing our significant others. Meg had a really great view about it, and I've come back to her comments on more than one occasion in this last week. She said, in a nutshell, that you're either seething with frustration because what needs to be done is so blatantly obvious and the other half is just ignoring it, or, you're seething with frustration because you're finally fed up with them ignoring it and you're taking care of it. So, it's really just easier to do it yourself in the first place. In light of our conversation I'm debating a note in my someday-spouses lunch box. It will go something like this:

Dear Someday Spouse,

I've realized that "seething with frustration" is often what I am. And that "frustration" darling, is you. I know that, when it comes to confrontation, you immediately tune me out. And since I'm so incredibly sensitive to your needs, I'm not going to confront you; instead I've written you this nice little love note. And, just to make sure that you actually read the whole thing, there will be a quiz when you get home tonite; if you pass, we'll have sex.

I am "seething with frustration" for the following reasons:

#1. Is it really that hard to put your dirty plate in the dishwasher? Actually, if you could just get it to the sink even, we'd be making progress.

#2. When the dishwasher is full of dirty dishes and it just needs soap, why don't you put soap in it? Oh, that's right, you don't actually open the dishwasher to put anything in it, so how would you know that it needs to be run?

#3. Let's talk about laundry. See, I love this one. The kid does her own laundry and I do not complain about doing the rest. However, when you decide to take the initiative (which I applaud you for) to do some laundry, how about we put it in the dryer too? You know, instead of leaving it wet in the washer for three or four days so it gets moldy and needs to washed again?

#4. When you decide to dry the laundry, dry everything. It is a dead giveaway when I open the washer only to find semi-wet laundry, in disarray. In case you hadn't noticed, when you open the washer, everything is mashed against the sides from the spin cycle. When you pull out only the things you need to dry, it's obvious.

#5. And, finally, when you feel nagged to death, and you finally do clean, please do not expect a parade, or brownies, or even a little gold star sticker. I do not have any of these things for you. I do not get any of these things when I do my duties as your someday spouse.

I realize that Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus, but we live here, on Earth. And yes, I'm all about compromise, don't get me wrong. But I'm already compromising when I wipe dribbles off the bathroom seat that you don't lift and when I collect wet towels from our bedroom floor because you refuse to bring them back down to the bathroom.

So sweetie, can you just do me the favor of implementing the above in to your daily routine. I will be much happier and nicer to live with, which in turn, will make your life much easier too. And I know you're all about nice 'n easy darling..........

Love,
Your Someday Spouse